Discernment Retreat

On February 20, 2010 I attended the Archdiocese of Washington Men’s Discernment Retreat.

This was a day about love, about the love of God. This was a day with one question being asked all day long. Am I in love with God? Am I living with God and obeying him? All the speakers were very much in love with God, very happy to share their experiences. A priest loves God and loves his neighbors.

I did not take copious notes. I for the most part sat quietly, listened, and reflected on what I heard and saw. It was a warm, friendly occasion. Men from different parishes gathered together to learn about God’s call for each of us, to learn how to hear it, to learn how to respond to it.

This is not intended to be a critique. This is merely a reflection written more to keep the retreat alive in my mind. As a Convert, being Catholic still retains a newness, creates an enthusiasm within me. I am still learning, still forming opinions. I am searching for signs of goodness and holiness in myself and others.

I attended the retreat without either a camera or my laptop. My ability to record the Retreat would be limited to sensations and observations. I would have to immerse myself, become a complete participant. Once upon a time I had wanted to be a journalist, so I took classes, read books and learned how to be a journalist, how to be objective, how to encourage others to talk, how to encourage others to say something quotable, how to direct a conversation. But, the best skill that I learned was how to listen, how to retain bits and pieces of conversations without writing notes.

I was very glad that the Retreat began with a Mass with Archbishop Wuerl. I have heard the Archbishop speak several times and I have always enjoyed his homilies. There were three points which I promised myself that I would remember which in the intervening hours have been submerged with hopefully will return to the surface later with prayer and reflection. But, what I remember now and what resonates in my heart as I write this is: And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him. And sitting in the chapel there was a wonderful moment of hope that swept over me. I knew that this was not a day when I had to capture each word; I did not have to be concerned with grammar; I had only to look within my heart, allow my soul to listen and feel the love and support in the room.

Although I was not able to speak with him, I was glad to see Father William Byrne. I had briefly met him a few months ago. I had received a letter from him a month ago announcing my appointment to a committee. So I listened keenly to what he had to say. He spoke about purity and manliness. He asked this question, “Am I willing to lay down my life for Jesus and his word?” Father Byrne is a vivid, colorful speaker. He animated the Gospel of Jesus Christ, he made it immediate, accessible.

There was a panel discussion of four priests from around the Archdiocese followed by small group discussions. The priests were engaging, filled with love for God. They all seemed illuminated with the same beautiful fire from within, inspiring each other, inspiring the seminarians, inspiring the retreatants. The three priests spoke honestly, directly. They shared their beliefs, their hope, their love.

One of the highlights was hearing and observing two lay witnesses describe their relationship with Father Panke and other Catholic priests. So often it is easy to imagine a priest only at the altar, only in the rectory, only in meetings with the Parish Council. The life of a priest extends beyond that. Hearing those stories illuminated the beauty and complexity of the life of a diocesan priest.

Cardinal McCarrick is a very disarming, sincere speaker with the ability to make you believe that he is speaking directly to you. He speaks naturally, gently like a good neighbor, trusted friend. His life is inspirational. His candor is inspirational. His mentioned Do not be afraid several times. He spoke quietly, with great conviction. His love of the priesthood, the Church, and God was clearly evident. Put out into deep water and lower your nets was stated by him as he made one of his points.

All the participants, the priests, the seminarians, the lay witnesses, and the retreatants together created a communal love of God. It was a day of information, a day of fellowship, a day of wisdom, a day of love.

Since it was condensed, there was something more immediate, more connected to the world.

As I continue my discernment I must remember that one of my personal goals is to increase my personal goodness, to live a life of holiness as a humble and obedient servant lovingly doing God’s will.