Tonight is made for

Each New Year’s Eve is accompanied by frantic, desperate people singing in the highways, crying on the sidewalks and trifling and teasing different passersby with stories from the past year, with sordid adventures, and melodramatic tragedies. So many private moments haphazardly shared publicly during cell phone conversations on Connecticut Avenue. And the modest pedestrians offer silent prayers as they pass by.

And still the modest pedestrians know that this is the time for prayer. This is the night for moderation; all virtue must be remembered and protected. Time does continue to advance; each second, minute, and hour are merely attendants in the courts of Time. All the hoopla is worthless. Being boisterous has no effect on time. Life is made of many perishable things. Pleasure and fun are perishable.

And this life is temporal with carnations, roses, garlands, and champagne trying to tempt the modest pedestrians walking by with laughter and snazzy slogans and delicate perfume. How worthless it all is! Watch as it dies! Watch as it decays! Hear the desperate people singing.

And this night bitterness accompanies happiness; Faith, hope, and charity do patiently stand watch over this night. For all those who believe and remember, God is love; God’s love should be share by everyone.

And this night symbolizes so much and yet means so little. It is really just an ordinary night that briefly touches the dreams and aspirations of the masses with an intense moment of anticipation leading to smiles, laughter, kisses, hugs, and a rushed dreamlike politeness and goodness.

But this night often does mock and confuse the unsuspecting and immodest.

And still the modest pedestrians do walk on the sidewalks filled with thoughts of prudence, temperance, justice, and fortitude. They continue to look forward, saying little prayers to themselves, praising God, asking for help for their friends and neighbors.

Disclaimer

“All sandwiches served with fries unless otherwise noted.”

Wouldn’t life be great if each action in our lives came with a little disclaimer that would let us know whether it was beneficial, detrimental, neutral, or other?

Modern life is filled with questions, answers, assumptions, and everything in between. Each day presents us with the opportunity to make an endless amount of choices for altruistic or selfish reasons.

I feel that our secular society, dominated by the media encourages us to interact with the world and each other as the individual against the world, to think of ourselves, our well-being, our needs first before recognizing that there is a world beyond our front door. Being selfish is both glamorized and encouraged.

Being humble is often seen as a weakness. Being humble is often misunderstood. Humility is often at odds with the secular world. Christians are encouraged to live lives of charity, humility and love. But, this is often difficult to do when so many influences promote just the opposite, present the alternative in glorious sin free color.

This is definitely a time to remember the power and the beauty of prayer. We do not have to always be the center of attention. We do not always have to give our opinions. We should always remember to pray, to give thanks for each day that we are alive. We should remember to offer God praise. We should remember to pray for our friends and loved ones, living and dead. We should remember to offer prayers for the Church and all of the goodness, inspiration, and hope that the Church offers to each of us and to the world each day.

Wouldn’t our lives be great if each of us found little ways do good deeds quietly, not wanting any recognition? Wouldn’t it be great if everyone treated each other with a level of respect and dignity? How difficult is it to incorporate social justice into our daily lives?

I wonder what I should include in my personal disclaimer.

End of the Year

Those prayers direct us toward being meek
The gentle pause where every ear does rest,
Will provide answers and questions to seek
A moment of silence with patience is best;
For summer does inspire praying, walking
enjoying the living wonders here and there;
Lusty leaves, blue skies us playing, walking
Beauty, prayers rest over every chair:
Then with summer's discernment perchance,
All my hope, all my love somehow did grow
Prayer's effect with prayer sweet remembrance,
Beauty, prayer, love help us -- faith to know
But this summer pause was no vacation,
With gentle cause and call for vocation.

Around the corner from St. Matthew's Cathedral

And this Wednesday night, I am seated at a wooden bar with a wall of sixteen ounce glasses arranged neatly on a green rubber mat. I am amazed at the names of some of the beverages offered for sale by the bottle. I am very amused by the permanent, never changing weekly specials: fifty cent tacos, twenty-five cent wings, half price cheeseburgers.

All around me voices collide with my ears. Men are ordering pitchers of beer; women are asking about tables; the staff listen, smile, and respond or listen and respond. The cacophony is not loud, not overpowering. It is just loud enough, just overlapping enough to be background noise. There is nothing distinct or original or interesting about any of the conversations. They concern sports, wives, bosses, daily commutes, bosses, coworkers, husbands, children, girlfriends, holiday trips, holiday mishaps.

And I am thinking about confession. Behind a poinsetta one of the servers processes a credit card transaction and I wonder about all of the transactions of my life, all of the times when I act purely, honestly altruistically not wanting any recognition or reward; I wonder about if goodness is present in my life and I wonder about all of times of quiet dignity, sincerity, and humility. And I am thinking of confession. Looking up at a floating widescreen television I watch two basketball teams run back and forth and appear to make a basket. I wonder about all the times when I thought about sinning, planned to sin, actually sinned, rationalized sinning, blamed my mistakes on someone else.

The bartender accidentally drops some change and it slides across the bar towards me, toward my computer. Somehow the coin is stopped by the green mat. The voices raise up as if in competition with each other. It is a happy crowd. I can hear a woman laughing at a nearby table.

How do I see myself? How do I see the world? Sitting here typing at a bar, I am silent, strangely anonymous, totally forgettable as I worry about spelling, grammar, and attending Mass tomorrow. What analogy can I create which describes my experience? Is there a simple metaphor? I am drinking soda, patiently, calmly thinking about finding more ways to be of service to God, thinking of saying a prayer that all of these people get home safely, that I get home safely.

In the background there is an uptempo love song with a strong beat and good guitar line with a strong male lead singer probably British. It is December, Advent. Each day should be a day of preparation. Each day should include some meditation on what it means to be a Christian.

The voices become louder.

Outside, there is darkness, street lamps, silence, time to imagine, time to reflect in the cold December night with the slight breeze.

Remembering August, Remembering Vocations

Construction workers surround my building. New construction on one side, renovation on the other. Different machines whirr and grind and spin and cut creating a cacophony of creation and destruction. When something is made, often there is something to be discarded.

How people relate to each other remains a topic of interest as strangers become friends, and friends become rivals. How people relate to God when there are all types of distractions, diversions, and responsibilities remains a good way to examine and strengthen an individuals faith. It is sufficient to recognize personal fallibility, acknowledge Original sin, and be thankful for baptism and the other sacraments. It is sufficient to say the Rosary, the Lord’s Prayer, the Twenty-Third Psalm. It is sufficient to read the Bible. How an individual wants to build a relationship with God is private and unique to that person.

The prayer for vocations is beautiful, universal. Parishes all across the world offer prayers for vocations during Mass and on various websites. The need for priests, clergy, is real. I am a proponent of Vocations.

Summer mornings when school playgrounds are empty of children, looking at the empty equipment, empty basketball courts, soccer fields the need to have people scurrying about becomes immediately apparent.

Once while waiting for Mass to begin, a strange desire to be of service to God exploded in my mind. I was seated in the front of the church, a couple minutes before the 5:30 Mass was to begin. I had time to contemplate St. Paul and St. Matthew and remember certain words and phrases. Images of sheep, shepherds, seeds, loaves of bread, boats on water, fishermen with nets burst in my mind. I felt melancholy. I felt patient. I did not have the energy to speak. I felt bewildered, insignificant. My entire existence flashed and faded in my mind. “What have I accomplished? What will I accomplish? What have I done for God?

What have I accomplished for God?” These questions and others began a coordinated attack on my mind and soul. Faith provides a private cognisance and melancholy.

This was a moment of terror which faded in a sense of calm. My mind was not allowed to remain placid. More questions exploded and expanded. Nothing was too trivial or too obscure. I was conscious of something that I was not ready to accept. This moment of possibility and humble recognition both pleased and frightened me. At some point a response will be needed.

The construction cacophony fades in the heat of the approaching afternoon.

Prudence

Having snow on the ground provides a great opportunity for reflection. Extra time has to be allotted for travel, a person's mind should be alert. An alert mind is necessary for contemplation about prudence.

Each person who describes himself as a Christian has the duty, the obligation discern his true good in every situation in his life. Prudence involves both his perspective, how he looks at the situation and how he goes about achieving his goal. Prudent acts must always be filled with goodness.

St. Thomas Aquinas described prudence as "right reason in action."

Life is filled with many choices. Life is filled with so much information from so many sources. So much in modern life stands in direct opposition to the will of God and to most Christian teachings.

Once a man develops and learns to trust his personal prudence, then he can understand patience. All decisions do not need to made quickly on the spot. A Christian must always allow time for special considerations. A Christian must always ask himself how this decision will impact the faith, hope, and charity of himself and his neighbors. Prudence requires a man to think of God, to think of loving God, to think of loving himself, and to think of loving his neighbor.

Prudence is always a sign of goodness and love.

Prudence develops and provides guideposts for each Christian's conscience judgement. Each Christian with trial and error learns how to determine and how to direct his thoughts, actions, and behaviors in accordance with prudent judgement. To be Christ like we must develop and employ prudent judgement of conscience.

In his/her daily lives each Christian needs the assistance of prudence as moral principles are considered, debated, and applied to particular circumstances; with prudence as a guide the Christian knows what evil to avoid, discourages doubt about achieving goodness.

The charioteer of the virtues is prudence.

How We View Our Footprints

I have a Mac computer with all types of imaging programs. I have become very good at manipulating images. Last week when it snowed I rushed outside and took some pictures as the snow was falling early Saturday morning. As a child I always loved snow and wished that it would be on the ground, ready to be turned into snowballs, snowmen, and snow forts from early November until late March.

As a Catholic each day there is a new opportunity to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Each day we can pray. Each day we can make different sacrifices. Each day we can live lives that are filled with social justice. Each day we can allow ourselves to love everybody.

As a Catholic there are many rules and laws that we are asked to obey in our daily lives. Some are easier for us to follow than others. In the end when we follow these laws our lives are better.

For me being a Christian is like foot prints in falling snow. We are given opportunities to move ahead, to act like Christ. We are reminded to keep our focus on God. No two days are the identical, no two snowflakes are identical, no two people are identical.

Each moment that we are alive provides us with an opportunity to share and to inspire God's goodness and grace. Each moment that we are alive provides us with another example of God's mercy and love for us.

Christmas

I like to use Christmas as my guidepost for the year. How I behave, what I do on this day in theory should direct and influence my actions for the rest of the year. I have long ago dispensed with New Year's resolutions. Instead I like to focus on the little things that I can do and that I can observe.

Christmas provides me with a wonderful classroom to examine human behavior. For many Christmas is the time of expectation and anxiety. For many it is just as difficult receiving a gift as it is giving one.

Christmas is a time of perception. How we perceive an event greatly affects how we relate to the event.

I am a photographer. I often look at people and imagine different camera angles, exposure settings, aperture settings. A good photographer, like a good painter wants to tell a story.

When I allow myself to remember that Christmas is not about buying and presenting all types of shiny, bright, new presents but about something more.

Christmas is all about remembering God, remembering the birth of Jesus. Christmas reminds us to love one another, to share our hope, to open up our hearts and prayers to each and every living human being.

This year the highlight of my Christmas celebration was attending Mass. How wonderful it was to see St. Matthew's Cathedral filled with people. How wonderful the choir sounded. How wonderful it was to feel the enthusiasm and warmth and love from the parish community.

Wonder

Our lives are filled with anxiety and weather forecasts. We celebrate anniversaries and birthdays. We remember many events, many moments of hope, peace, and love. The newspapers are filled with many stories about various crimes, natural disasters, and human suffering. Each and every day of our lives we are reminded of the fragility of life; we learn of the death of this child, of that young woman, of this old man.

As we celebrate the birth of Christ, we must also remember his death, his sacrifice for all of us. A young and peaceful man died on the cross for us.

And yet we still rush about with sad dark faces staring into cups of hot green tea, steaming coffee, hot chocolate worrying about this and that. Sometimes our minds allow ambition to control us, to want to be a big fish in a little river. We slouch toward hope, love.

These things do happen everywhere at sometime during the day.

We must remember the Christ's gift to us, his sacrifice for us. Our minds, hearts, and souls should always be filled with wonder, love, and respect for God; our gaze must always be directed toward God.

Our faith will guide us in the right direction. Our prayers will strengthen us. We are allowed to ask God for anything. Our faith reminds us to be patient; God will provide the answers that we need at the appropriate time.

We live in a time of insistent and insipid advertisement fighting for our attention, fighting to influence our thoughts, fighting to encourage us to make impulsive decisions. As Christians we must ignore the constant solicitations, keep our hearts and minds focused on following Christ, loving everyone, living and promoting lives of social justice for everyone.

How wonderful life would be if we promoted charity, humility, and compassion.

As we celebrate Christmas we must always allow ourselves a moment of calm, a moment of peace to reflect on the goodness and grace that God has given to us. We must allow ourselves a moment of quiet to reflect and to praise God.

Snow

And there is snow and all types of commercials about last minute Christmas shopping opportunities. And there is a great for us to stop, examine our surroundings, examine our hearts, minds, and souls.

If we allow ourselves to be quiet, to be calm we might remember that this season is not about either giving or receiving the most expensive gift. Instead it is about sharing our love and hope with each other.

Modern life is filled with all types of conveniences and distractions. Living Christian lives faithful to the teachings of Christ is difficult sometimes because the simplicity of Christ's instructions is often in opposition the confusing maze of modern life in an industrialized, free market society. We have free will, government bureaucracy, scientific permission and explanations for all types of questionable behavior.

We also have God, when we choose to allow him in our lives.

During this season God should be on top of our list. What should we get God this year? What does God need from us? These questions we should ask ourselves each and every day.

The best present we have to offer begins and ends with prayer. We must remember to pray.

Saying a Prayer

“Let us say a prayer,” they decided; “but what shall we pray for?”

“World peace,” said the elder sister.

“A prayer for an increase in vocations,” said the other.

“Get real,” said the brother, “let's pray for social justice for all.”

“We should write all of ideas down,” they shouted together. So they each opened their laptop computers, waited for the screens to flicker on. The elder sister began with world peace, typed it and looked at it on her screen, and said it aloud again.

“I have never known world peace,” she sighed, “except in the abstract in glorious books and sermons; but, of course, it would not do to pray for something without completely understanding the ramifications of what was being requested—anyone could do that.”

“I must ask Mother and Father a few questions,” the younger one said, “for I want know more about vocations and religious life before I start praying about it, or I may ask for something silly.”

“I shall pray for social justice, poverty, homelessness, about the pig, and the pony, and the white rabbit," said the brother; "but first I must think a bit. It would be impolite to say a prayer without thinking, or at least trying to understand what you’re praying for.”

Then the elder sister returned to talking about world peace again, to see how many ideas she were left out, for those, she thought, would do to go into her book.

The little one said to herself, "Really, it is no good asking for vocations until I can understand and talk about what I am asking about, so I must wait;" and while the brother was considering social justice, and homelessness, and poverty, he was distracted by a recently installed computer game.

And those prayers remained in their hearts and minds as they prayed for their parents, their grandparents, each other, their friends, their teachers, snow days, lost toys, and freshly baked, warm, homemade cookies.

The Roman Missal

The Roman Missal had no peace. Dear friends, if ever you are a book, hope to be a photography book, or a poetry book, or a book full of philosophy apt to perplex and confuse, or a literature book easy to think of yet hard to read—anything in the world rather than a good inspirational Roman Missal with Latin translations and hymns, for that is indeed a sad thing to be. Many a time the poor Roman Missal wished it were a cook book, or a glossy pictorial magazine, or a comic book, or anything on earth rather than what it was. It never had any peace; it was picked up; its pages flipped and turned sometimes delicately, sometimes viciously; it was put down in bathrooms, kitchens, porches; it was read and quoted during all types of situations, peaceful and querulous; it was allowed to take catnaps while the evening news or some other entertainment or distraction allowed an unexpected sleep to arrive: it woke up when the eyes opened and remembered reading a passage; it waited to be consulted after showers, waited to be skimmed after coffee or juice or cereal, waited to be read during the weather and traffic forecasts; it was stuffed into their backpacks, briefcases, purses when they went to class or to the office, left about on counters, dropped behind desks, forgotten, neglected, dropped, torn, lost, dog-eared,—how graciously with great humility it suffered, until it realized, “How the human beings do need me. They need to learn so much.” And then it started thinking about human beings; how savage and violent the lives of the human beings are; how alien human beings often appear as they live each day, always rushing about, asking more and more questions but not waiting for or desiring any answers; always sleeping and waking, or trying to sleep and wake; always nibbling and sipping, and giggling and whining, and typing and walking, and saying this and that and the other, never reflecting for long either individually or together, or appearing as if they could be quiet, contemplative for a single hour or a single day. “Human beings are always making noise, louder and louder,” reflected the Roman Missal; “they are always texting and walking about, always rushing here and doing this and that, building this today and destroying that tomorrow, and revising and deconstructing for ever and for ever, and never are they quiet, contemplative. It is lucky that we are not all human beings, often expecting humility, charity, and love to flow from their neighbors first, often wondering when the world will be calm and patient enough to accept and understand hope. It is lucky that we are not all human beings, racing about, forgetting mercy and forgiveness, or each day would be so exasperating, so frustrating that there would be no inspiration, no reason open this Roman Missal's pages.”

A Streetlamp, The Snow, And A Window

“I want to work on my prayer,” he said, and went outside onto the porch. His little sister followed too, and stood by him watching while he stared into the darkness.

“The night is not dark enough,” she said, quietly, “and oh, dear brother, the snow is not gentle enough.”

“But listen to the hushed sounds," he answered. “Will I remember all the good things we have received?”

“Oh yes,” she said, wondering why he allowed himself to ask that question, “you will make everyone happy to glance back. They will feel all the love and happiness you felt.”

“I want to say it simply, will that help them understand and feel happy?”

“They will feel what you feel,” she answered; “for they will know how much love and hope you have in your heart. Look there,” she said pointing at the streetlamp across the street, “look there at the light and the falling snow at the corner,” and they stood together looking at the December snow, at the trees and the parked cars, at the lights from the other houses, at the street with faint tire tracks being covered by the snow, and at the footsteps on the snow.

“Please enjoy the silence,” his sister whispered. “It is a great honor to give thanks and praise.”

“It is a great honor to give thanks and praise,” the boy echoed quietly. “I must remember to be humble.”

“You will be humble, don’t worry.”
“I get so flustered,” he said, “and forget things I should remember. What happens when I forget the most important thing and mispronounce a name or completely forget someone,” he asked, suddenly.

“Just remember that you’re doing this with all of the love in your heart,” she replied. “Do not worry about remembering everybody or every event. Just remember all the love and hope that the family has shared.”

For a moment, he remained silent, continued watching the snow fall from the sky. “Then I shall begin my prayer with you,” he said; “I shall think of you the entire time I am praying.”

Again they looked at the snow; watching it fall from the darkness; watching it rise up from the trees, rooftops, and bushes; watching the snow be forced here and there by the wind; enjoying the hushed, steady sounds of the night, the wind and their breathing; enjoying the shadows from the lights in other windows across the street, and then together they went inside.

That snowy December night great anticipation came to the boy. While his little sister slept, she imagined herself another world, and journeyed on through all types of gardens and parks enjoying the darkness, enjoying the snow. The boy tried to remember all the prayers that he had ever heard, he tried to recite them all again, finally his eyes did close and his mind did rest. As he slept that night, he kept seeing the glowing streetlamp, the blowing snow, and a window—within his heart he felt a longing to find the beauty, the hope, and the love for all of the creatures on the world; within his heart was a longing to share his thoughts, his memories, his hopes.

At last, when his eyes opened the next morning he knew that his silence was true and his vision pure, he opened up the Bible and found the Beatitudes and read them over and over, again and again.

A few days later, seated around the large table in the dining room, surrounded by blood relatives and family friends he glanced at his dear sister, then bowed his head, closed his eyes and began to pray in a quiet, hushed humble voice.

December Snow Night

How we view ourselves and our spiritual lives are often different. We sometimes separate or categorize the various aspects of our lives. We accept the idea that modern life is complicated.

As Catholics we believe and profess different prayers and creeds. Our lives as Catholics should extend beyond the walls of our churches.

If our daily lives were built around prayer and the Beatitudes, would we still describe them as complicated. Just what makes our lives so complicated? Is it the number of choices we have, or how we make our decisions, or how we avoid making some of our decisions?

Our daily lives have a built in rhythm. We decide what we are going to do each day. We decide when we are going to pray, when we are going to Mass, when we are going to read the Bible.

Our daily lives are also filled with all types of questions and competing interests providing all types of thoughts, all types motivations, all types of moments of and reasons for indecision.

How we feel about ourselves and our relationship with God provides us with confidence and hope.

When our faith is strong we can do anything, even ride a bicycle during a snow storm.

Wisdom

The Church provides many opportunities for us to learn about ourselves and our religion. In fact being Christian is in reality being a professional student without the chance of parole or commencement ceremony. As Christians we are expected to learn about the virtues and then apply them to our lives. As Christians we are expected to learn about how to avoid sin, and then apply that to our lives. As Christians we are expected to always be seeking the Wisdom of God. We must read and reflect upon the Word.

As Christians we must nurture and encourage an enthusiasm for the Wisdom of God. Our lives should reflect our belief that everything in our lives is related to the Wisdom of the Creator.

In our own private ways we should try to help others discover the honest, loving, compassionate face of God. The more we learn and share, the deeper our own faith can become.

Erudition is needed as we journey toward God. We must learn and understand the true meaning of the Nativity, Jesus’ teachings, Jesus’ preaching, and the Crucifixion. Our faith asks us to be passionate believers of God, to champion social justice and peace, and to bear witness of the goodness of God.

reviewed

Yes, I did go to confession. I was a little apprehensive, a little anxious. My imagination created all types of scenarios. I looked at different areas of my life, examined my mistakes, my sins. I looked at the things that I wanted to stop doing. I tried to forgive myself, tried to tell myself that it would be easy for me to change by myself, that I could avoid sinning again by myself and then there was a great realization, but it occurred softly, gently that I was being manipulated by myself.

I reviewed my life but put certain actions under the remnant of my ethical and moral microscope. Sin pretends to arrive with exceptions; sometimes called explanations, rationalizations, justifications.

Confession rests upon the hearts of faithful men who both love and are in awe of God.

It is unfortunate, considering all the technological advances that humans have not advanced beyond sin.

Confession is not to be avoided; it provides understanding, absolution, and hope.

And since this is the season of Advent with Christmas slowly approaching and several remaining holiday parties to attend, I probably will have to go to Confession again, soon.

Confession is a resource of the faithful; and the faithful are happy to often use it. Thinking is required; silence is required; and after a couple of moments speaking is allowed. Our minds, hearts, and souls are relieved by confession.

search

Whenever I think of a great theatrical or cinematic confession, I think of the song Don’t Cry for Me Argentina from Evita. The title and the opening words are quite confessional.

It is another moment in our lives, our imperfections, our fears when something within us cries, when something within us whines that we learn about our weaknesses and vanities as we search for convenient psychobabble explanations or abstract ideas to blame for our mistakes, our sins. We must remember that our sins exist, we have temptation and capitulation. Sins often arrive with hollow promises; time does not stop; our lives are measured by our actions and deeds. We must not allow our lives to be lived as if each day was a commodity, to be bought or sold. We must resist the coolness of sin. How comforting sin appears from a distance; how dangerous it really is. Sin wants only to become accepted and habitual in our lives. This should not, must not occur. We must not allow it into our lives, we can not give sin an inch, we can not give sin a second. It is insistent, insidious.

I must remember to protect the simplicities within my heart and soul. My mind must remain open to the truth. My tongue must have the courage to be honest. However esoteric a thought might be, the fact that all of our speeches and actions can be interpreted as symbols with all types of meanings which can be defined in dictionaries or on the internet. Each speech, each gesture has its own existence, creates its own experience. There is nothing purely private in our lives. A human is, before he is anything else, a person who will fail, who will fall down and get back up; we learn when fail; we are often strengthened when we get back up.

Sin is failure; sin is bad. When we sin, it is best to discover the causes of why we sin and then develop strategies to avoid sin. Going to confession can help reduce sin; but do not be too anxious.

We must remember that our society is very permissive; many behaviors are acceptable and viewed as natural by doctors, psychiatrists. As Christians we must remember to obey the Commandments in our daily lives. Our behavior should not be based upon trendy ideas, fashionable opinions. Our behavior must be based upon God’s laws.

The art of confession in a nutshell: to constructively analyze your mistakes without sinking into despair with the assistance of an objective priest offering hope.

Reverence, Humility, Obedience

Several lessons I learned about love as I observed holiness in others have helped me move toward God.

Let reverence be the guiding force in your entire life that directs your gaze toward the mysteries and wonders of life; as you observe God’s patience and mercy let your goodness in your actions and words be a persuasive witness to the power and the glory. We must remember to always share the gifts that God presents to us. Let grace always accompany your part in any conversation; season your thoughts with compassion and love. When a man’s heart and mind are filled with reverence for God, his entire life overflows with the fruits of hope, faith, charity, humility, diligence, patience, his entire life inspires him each day to love God more than he did the previous day, inspires others to imitate the goodness in his gestures and speeches, to move one or two steps closer to God,

How empty is a life without humility! (and yet humility is often absent or distant in many modern lives). As Christians in our lives . . . God requests that our daily lives be filled with a natural humility, with an undying kindness, with a glorious patience, with a brightly beaming diligence, with a heavenly charity, with a joyous temperance, and with a victorious chastity. Here, then, are some of the attributes of our faith which when applied to our daily lives will improve them by helping us to love ourselves, each other, and God with a more perfect, beautiful profundity. The humble man possesses and displays his faith and love in his gestures and sentences, but who is inwardly and radiantly rich in blessings and rich in hope. Nothing in our lives remains so unbelievable that humility cannot encourage understanding, tolerance, and compassion. Our lives must have humility. We must remember to have obedience for God’s laws. Humility and obedience are allies with each other, they provide strength for all Christians when we practice them out of love and faith.

And obedience challenges independent thinking minds, reminds us that God has given each one of us free will which we use with every decision; understanding is not always ready made for us but our lives provide opportunities to learn about how to serve the Lord. Obedience may be perplexing sometimes; a lawless, selfish heart calculates how to enjoy all types of earthly temptations, earthly vices by stabbing into the fabric of God’s love and mercy with all types of knives, daggers, and swords. Obedience to God is sometimes difficult. Many ecclesiastical texts have been written about this subject. Man’s frailty will allow him to be disobedient at noon; man’s frailty will encourage him to be obedient at nightfall. Such is the cycle of knowledge, hope, and love. Obedience is the foundation of faith, as all goodness and holiness are formed in our silences, our gestures, and our actions. The finest obedience is a blessing that which serves God joyously and accomplishes beautiful, divine things. Obedience is learned and improved each day of our lives.

In your prayers please remember to continually ask for God’s help with reverence, humility, and obedience.

Prayer

Prayer, prayer, and again prayer. There cannot be too much prayer in the life of a Christian who freely uses his entire life and being to serve God. Prayers, those guardians of hope, are vulnerable, beautiful; yet capable of inspiring fortitude. Our prayers never age, never suffer. People age, people suffer. Each day of our lives we get older. Each day of our lives we experience setbacks of varying degrees. Each day we experience a little sadness in our own individual lives or in the lives of those around us.

I often fumble for silence and guidance as I pray and try to move toward God.

Before my conversion there was a lack of humility and a lack of reverence. Obedience to God was not considered by me. I had accepted the secular idea of individualism. Independence and self-reliance are great ideals but the reality of modern life for most of us often contains overlapping and conflicting interdependences and compromises. I had to learn how to navigate through this.

Christians are part of a larger group; being Christian admits us to a community that believes and worships God; being Christian reminds us of the importance and necessity of universal love and social justice; our concern, our prayers should be directed outward beyond ourselves to the world at large; we must want the same basic rights for everyone. Everyone deserves food, water, shelter, peace.

The doctrine of self-sufficiency and independence can easily lead a person away from their faith and love of God; sometimes this doctrine can encourage violence and pain. I sometimes forgot that each human being deserved food, water, shelter, health care, peace. American society likes to promote the idea of the loner, someone outside of society who rides into town and stirs things up. Sometimes this is for the good of the community, others it is not. The loner often arrives by himself, and often leaves by himself.

All Christians, we know, that we are never alone; God is always with us.

Morning Star

Prayers are the bright morning star,
Each breath has a radiance,
The shapes forged in grace and mercy
As our hearts strive to kindly serve God.
Steadily we remember and recite
Words holy, words great, words glorious
In order to serve, to obey, to love
The fanfare of faithful trumpets.
The faithful followers praying for the
living, the dead and blessings for all
Remain complete in their faith, dutiful,
To God in their thoughts and their deeds
Proclaim obedience to the ancient laws.
Let’s live lives worthy of veneration,
So filled with goodness and mercy.
Victorious over all sin,
May only love and hope pass
Across each living heart
And encourage kindness, praise,
In your life and the lives of all
Whom you encounter each day.
Remember the sacrifice of Christ,
Christ upon the Cross,
Remember within each day
Avoid the temptations, find the blessings
Find the strength to forgive.
Let your life be fertile, filled with love
And your heart joyful and giving and sharing,
In the love for Christ and the love for Christ there
In sorrow, in praise, with mercy, with hope
So our hearts reach up to God
In words spoken, words unspoken
In the humble language of goodness
And holiness, the foundation of our faith.

Thoughts

I heartily wish that more of my life would have been spent following the example of the first Catholic Clergy I was blessed to encounter; and instead of wasting effort and time in vain, selfish compositions and pursuits of fleeting amusement and pleasure of my own design, would have dedicated my life to charity, humility, mercy, and love with my life being directed toward encouraging holiness to flourish in my life and in the lives of those who around me. Life is a collection of labors and endeavors; how fulfilling and handsome our lives are when our talents are used properly for something we believe in, something which inspires and encourages goodness and hope in ourselves and in others. Extemporaneous thoughts drift into my mind, boldly declaring that I have work to do, boldly asserting that a proper discernment is needed as I humbly stand before God and offer my life in service to him and his  Church. Faith does create a special language beyond words, beyond simple comprehension. I sense there is a greater will, purer and more compassionate than I am moving me around, exposing me to more Christian ideas and experiences. 

No words can adequately capture or describe the different orations within my mind. The thoughts question each movement that I make, suggest that prayer and service to God are essential, and remind me that true sacrifice is a part of Christian life. Each day I struggle with the guilt and sadness of past actions, past thoughts. Each day I struggle to forgive myself for my mistakes. Each day I feel unworthy to stand before God because of my life’s accumulation of sin. Each day I feel more vulnerable, more powerless. 

I wander into the beautiful Cathedral, and sometimes forget all of my cares and troubles as I remember all the prayers and kindness shared with me. My heart and soul are released, rise upward with faith, hope, and love.

Discernment not because I am seeking God, but because God is seeking me, requiring that I bear witness to him, that I rise up and follow in his footsteps, that I find the language of humility, charity, and mercy. This I must do.

And so I must start with silence. I must remember a lifetime of prayers, some said by me, some said by others. I must remember that my prayers are all incomplete, each day they are revised.

My prayers and my silence are both episodic.

Advent

I sometimes like to describe the world in which I live as a boisterous donnybrook filled with double entendres, dark horses and other delusions. Everyone enjoys talking decadence and hiding behind diplomatic immunity. We create conflicts and explanations; we destroy peace and hope.

If only our sins were naturally deciduous like leaves on many autumn trees, then our natural goodness and love could flourish.

Advent provides an opportunity for each one of us to examine ourselves, our hearts, our minds, and our souls as we prepare for the arrival of our Lord. The Church encourages us to examine our lives and to put things in the right spot as we move toward Christmas.

I like to think of faith as a covalent bond. Some people like to imagine faith as a coup de théâtre. Some need to look at any belief in God in the broadest, most extreme and exaggerated terms. Humility, charity, dignity, mercy, and love are seen as weaknesses. Nihilism is easy for some adults to accept as magazines, television, and other instruments of the media create a complacent world of ever changing adultery, ever accepting idolatry. Faith in God allows us to desire peaceful coexistence. Faith in God is the one efficient renewable resource.

We live in a world concerned with saturated fatty acids and sacred cows. We allow ourselves to be selfish, to live lives with minimal compassion, mercy, sacrifice. Life is a satire and we all know one or two satyrs.

As Christians we need to develop the skills to examine our lives and make adjustments to correct our lives, to move toward goodness and holiness. As Christians we must remember to love all mankind, to believe and promote social justice for everyone. As Christians we must acknowledge that our lives contain many unexpected tangent moments.

Everyone knows about the Ten Commandments; we have to follow them. We must find ways to incorporate the Beatitudes in our daily lives. As Christians we are called to be evangelistic about and for our faith and our God.

We are all called to be more, to do more, to pray more, to learn more, to hope more, and to help more.

Our faith needs to be an active and assertive part of our lives. A life of holiness encourages hope and joy.

Character

How do I describe my character? How do I describe my relationship with God? How do I deal with life’s uncertainty? Am I distant from God?

My mind analyzes these and other similar questions each day. Life behooves me to examine my humanity. Faith requires patience and discernment.

It is my quiet desire to gradually build a substantive mature relationship with God.

I must remember to always be compassionate, loving, humble. I must remember to accept life’s unpredictability. Life can be horrific. Life can be tender.

My existence must contain charity, humility, compassion, mercy.

The consequence of the artificiality of modern life can distance me from myself, my thoughts, and God. Life without God, without God’s mercy and love can be described as stereotypical, empty, unoriginal, uninspiring, barren.

How remarkable a life with Jesus can be! We have hope, faith. Our lives can bear witness to God’s presence, his love for us. I must always remember and accept that sin is always around me. There is something deliberate about sin as it creates its own seductive reality. As a Christian I must learn how to avoid and how to defeat the urge to sin.

For goodness and holiness to grow there must be a reduction of temptation, selfishness, and sin within my life. To thwart sin I must keep my mind and body busy doing God’s work. I must increase my time for prayer and reflection each day.

I must always remember to connect moral and ethical thought to my Faith and my belief in God. God is my life’s absolute. God is supreme.

Moral relativism is best served at room temperature in a vacuum; it might be good for abstract discussions but it is often dangerous in the wild. My life is better when I remember to put God first and to believe in him.

My life is better when it is in service to God; it is important to live a life of goodness and be altruistic.

Retreat

I like to look at retreats as being examples of neoclassicism, a revival of hope, humility, charity. I like to call retreats confined nuclear testing. The spiritual life needs to be challenged, expanded. Our souls need to learn new prayers and hymns.

With the fatalism of a teenager who was watched too many R movies, I ventured into the rainy morning with thoughts of the Nativity, the Nobel Peace Prize, Notre Dame, and nonviolent resistance. I opened my black neocolonial umbrella and thought of the Old Testament. The rain collided with the umbrella and did an uneven tap dance above my head.

With a mesmerizing fluidity the retreat began and my mind was filled with images of St. Francis of Assissi. I was able to learn about his youth while remembering my own. Knowledge needs prayer and silence.

It is easy to carper about our mistakes and setbacks. Venting and whining easily can be interpreted as stereotypical whimpering. If our lives are filled with love for God and love for humanity, then how could we complain about events in our lives.

I enjoyed hearing about St. Francis’s life, his labors, the chapels he worked on. I could relate to the majesty and power of activity and work. It focuses the mind, provides direction and guidance.

We must examine our lives, how we think, what we think, when we think; how we act, when we act, why we act.

Without proper care and dedication malnutrition can attack our souls, weaken us, hinder our ability to love, be humble, be compassionate, be merciful. Without proper attention sin can attack our minds and souls leaving us with malignant bitterness, selfishness, jealousy, festering.

We must remember to read the bible and reflect on what we have read; we need silence; we need time to contemplate, to meditate. Prayer needs to be an important part of our lives.

Our lives must always be overflowing with humility, charity, compassion, mercy, and love to combat the reduction of humanity, reduction of social justice that the secular world promotes. I understand that life contains moments of uncertainty, moments of unfulfillment.

But, with a little effort our lives can inspire hope when we remember to place God first.

We must remember that we are fallible, we are imperfect. In order to be good Christians our lives must be filled with goodness, we must be moving in Jesus’ footsteps, moving toward holiness in our thoughts and actions.

Daybreak

At daybreak, that November morning I imagined that I heard the sound of birds landing, maybe it was a falcon, maybe it was an eagle. There were so many feathers. In my heart mingled grief and hope as my heart tried to remain clean and pure, and my mind tried to allow only noble thoughts of goodness, compassion, and mercy.

I am not one who enjoys speaking early in the morning. I prefer thinking and writing and sometimes revising. For I have learned to accept and sometimes expect my fallibility. I am always making typographical or grammatical errors. But, each noise that my ears detect or each color my eyes recognize creates a thousand sentences which I sometime try to capture and preserve. Within my heart there is often gladness, hope, and goodness.

There is a desire to learn life with humility, charity, compassion, and mercy. Goodness encourages me to write down my thoughts, to say prayers, to attend Mass, to forgive myself and others as needed, to be merciful and gentle when dealing with others. Some days I am better at this than others, but everyday I try.

Each day through my own silence, I am able to think about and understand unconditional and universal love. I allow myself to say little short prayers frequently and automatically. Every prayer is beautiful. Every prayer inspires another prayer. Every prayer connects us to each other and to every other Christian who has said a prayer to God before us. I believe that prayers are love, that they contain and foster hope, peace, and goodness.

I sometimes wish that my vocabulary was more classical so that I could describe love in more formal lofty terms and so that I could describe prayer in more pastoral approachable terms and then connect both definitions with a simple image.

That morning I created an algebraic formula where silence, observation, compassion, reflection, meditation were the main variables which could be arranged together to equal prayer and sometimes love. But love is not always pure and love is not always love but attachment. Attachment can be the antithesis to love.

Heartily I move toward God.

My heart sometimes forces my tongue to state gainsayings against that which isn’t just, or fair. My soul and heart both observe the bitterness in the world and only want peace and calm for every human being, every living thing. This is not the time to want laurels. This is a time to work for God, to use our lives in his service. All reason should move us in a direction of charity, humility, simplicity, understanding, and love. Reason should move us to serve constantly and filled with a beautiful and undying hope.

And, as humans we must not forget but be prepared to greet grief when it arrives. We must be prepared for the perfumed scents of jealousy and lust which can conceal many dangerous and threatening thoughts which can destroy or hinder a relationship with God.

It is my hope that my only fortune in this life be God’s love and God’s mercy and that all that I do and all that I am please him and help others to find their way to him. I know that sacrifice is necessary.

At daybreak, in the eastern sky the clouds are delicate, beautiful like feathers, fine soft feathers, noble honest feathers and yet-

My mind feels the cool breeze, observes the scene; my heart stirs up a kind prayer or two; my soul overflows with hope, compassion, mercy, respect, and understanding.

learn

Let there be praying. May my heart always be filled with humility, charity, and compassion. May I understand the need for hope and love and live a life which contains and promotes hope and love.

Well I have learned to love God because of my life’s moments of angst, anguish, anxiety, apathy, death, ecstasy, envy, faith, fantasy, hatred, love, playfulness. This list partially describes my existence, my experience in the world. God makes each situation tolerable when we listen to him. God provides may possible solutions to our daily crises.

We may talk of our relationship with God in terms which evoke the possibility of eternal life and the necessity of Christ’s teachings on social justice and tolerance.

What a remarkable start to a personal spiritual philosophy! We must always remember the artificiality of the secular based world. We, as Christians, must allow ourselves to challenge our existence; our lives should not be complacent compromises of forced conformity to the current whims and trends of modernity and intellectualization. It is typical to expect diminished individual responsibility in contemporary thought where all mistakes in life are the result of some external variable. There is acceptable and unacceptable behavior which often do not naturally correspond to either good or bad. Modernity purposefully curbs most moral and ethical questions; the artifice allows for thwarted and deformed consciences. Truth, honesty, and goodness are curbed and perpetually compromised. There is always disappointment in our lives; our faith and belief in God helps us deal with this and to overcome it.

Prayer allows us the hope of an eventual satisfying fruition of our hopes; we must always work to live lives based upon humility, charity, mercy and forgiveness. We must always confront and avoid the artifice of modernity which often allows sin and vice to flourish and hide.

We must let our faith teach us how to love, how to bear witness in God’s name, and how to pray.

encourage

We must do whatever we can do to encourage ourselves to live lives filled with pure and clean love.

It is the heroic type of love, universal and unconditional. It is the love which expects and deserves only the most unreasonable responses; both kindness and goodness are truly immortal, occurring despite the intentions of the worst of mankind. It is the love from the churches, the cathedrals, the parishes. It is the universal Christian love. It is the golden desire for peace and social justice taught by Christ. There must be prayer. There must be hope. For faith to grow it must be allowed to grow freely in each person; free will must direct each of us toward God and a life of service and sacrifice.

Our lives should always direct us toward God’s glory. We must consider each day, each choice that we make as a ticket for our eternity. Our lives must always inspire others to want to do God’s work, to bear witness for the Lord, to work to have lives filled with goodness and love.

Make all sin and things which might lead us to sin in our lives diminish in importance to us with each new day; let it vanish from our lives.

Modernity allows us to interpret our lives based upon archetypes. psychological traits, and stereotypical character traits. Modernity allows us to witlessly accept sin in our lives and in our hearts. We must encourage our souls to combat this. Our souls must always remember and inspire goodness in us.

We must build lives filled with humility, charity, mercy, and forgiveness which will help us inherit God’s love. Our humanity requires love. We must always have God as the focal point of our lives, as the central point of certainty of our lives. We must always remember the consequences of both our good and bad choices. Our lives should not cause the reduction of either our hope or humanity. We must confront all uncertainty and unfulfillment with faith and love. It behooves us to minimize the importance of God in our lives; we must analyze all the material of our lives as we try to move closer to God and build lives based upon Christ’s life and teaching.

We must always project love and hope in our daily lives.

Faith

Faith exists beyond either time or space while encouraging and evoking both my hope and my love. In the early morning light, Holy Scriptures should lead us toward God. I read the Bible for both education and inspiration. I sometimes imagine myself as a hobo silently walking down a crowded street in the middle of an unfamiliar neighborhood, nowhere distinct yet somewhere closer to Heaven. There are candlesticks, picnic baskets, tumbleweeds, lilies and carnations surrounding my path. There is a forecast of thunder storms. The circumstance of my life can make me feel vulnerable, alone. There is a fragility in my existence; this fragility is universal. My life, like every person’s life, begins with birth, ends with death. In between will be many hopes, prayers, mistakes, trying to move me toward God sometimes, trying to move me away from God sometimes. When my faith is strong, I can keep moving toward God. Urban living allows us to anonymous but it can underscore our loneliness and desire for something to believe in. We need something to believe, a presence that is constant and merciful. I must always remember that I am a traveler on foot. God offers comfort, compassion, love. There is often something unsettled in our lives, something left unsaid, undone. There can be something ironic in our approach and discussion of God. We all want to believe; we must work to believe in God; we must work to have clean hearts and pure minds in our daily lives and when we pray to God. We can not intimidate God. We can only approach God with charity, humility, and compassion in our hearts. At times I am a tumbleweed being blown around by a fierce wind. At times I am a hobo looking for compassion and a shelter. Faith allows us to encapsulate the very essence of our humanity; our hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses are displayed for us. Both the future and the past can be viewed as mirages as we try to live Christian lives based upon love, hope, and social justice. Our goodness and our kindness can be glimmers of compassion. We must always keep our lives focused on serving God, our destination must always be following Jesus Christ, journeying to the kingdom of heaven.

Our day to day lives might be prosaic, lacking any poetry or movement but we must always remember to pray and to live our lives based upon the Word.

I am sometimes the hobo searching for a meal as a tumbleweed bounces near my feet as I silently as God for mercy and forgiveness.

Cost

Each time I sit in front of the computer and try to compose my thoughts, try to make sense out of the images and sentences within my brain, I sometimes stop and lose myself in a monumental battle of self doubt and confusion which frequently is accompanied by apathy, lethargy, and procrastination. And, during these times all the world is a distraction.

It costs me nothing to waste time, to accept my shortcomings, to avoid moving forward, to avoid moving closer to God. Modernity provides many explanations mental, physical, chemical, genetic, and many other innumerable reasons. I can easily accept or easily deny these defenses. I must always deny them, I must always force myself to move toward Christ.

My life will always be a mystery to me. I will always surprise myself. There are moments when I say things completely unplanned, unimagined and others when I am completely mute when I am ready with either an anecdote or riposte.

Some part of me constantly seeks divine unity. Part of me questions the loyalty and dedication of the other part and just wants complete relaxation.

Each time I sit in front of the computer I wonder about typographical, grammatical, and spelling errors. My mind has fun challenging me with examples of my past failures, past successes, and all other ambiguous moments. What I write often reflects two competing realities, what has happened and how I want things to be.

It costs me nothing to accept and wallow in my imperfection and selfishness. I can describe my life as a beautiful contradiction, a perfect expression of angst and ennui with a dollop of craziness for effect. I can accept all types of secular ideas and thought of victimization by association. Our society makes this easy, natural, almost respectable.

My life as a Christian encourages reflection on all aspects of my life, from the big ticket decisions to the humdrum moments. There is always a desire, a need to do more, pray more, love more. There is always a reason to challenge the status quo, to challenge complacency, to challenge moral and ethical complicity. Modernity offers and promotes leisure and comfort. Christianity offers and promotes sacrifice, humility, charity, work, prayer, and mercy. Sadly, our society teaches us how to expect these from other people but not how to include them in our own lives.

Being a Christian costs me nothing but provides me with guidance and inspiration to move toward, closer to God and to build a life filled with love and hope.

Reflection

Today the new liturgical year begins. Today is the first Sunday in Advent. Today, I am enjoying a couple of moments of silence while looking out of a second floor bedroom window at a half dozen rear yards still green and manicured, each uniformly enclosed by similar unwhitewashed wooden fences. The yards are empty. There is a factory made plastic doll house that a little child could walk into and play inside and some other removable slide or bridge thing.

As I approach Advent this year, I must do everything to minimize the allure of secular Christmas. I must make myself go to confession. I must do everything to clean and purify both my heart and mind.

I must be silent and employ the silence to observe how God communicates with me. I must not be afraid of sacrifice. I must help and support others who are doing good and those who are serving God.

There is always a millisecond of doubt, a moment of hesitation which is totally natural, totally human when I analyze the current situation, my appearance before Christ, hopefully with effort and thought I will live a life of quiet charity, quiet humility so completely, so simply that this appearance has been inveterate as a faithful believer, a simple Christian whose life reflects Christ’s social justice teachings; I pray that my life be lived as of vessel of goodness, compassion, mercy, and love will in fact be my guide; all the favorable and good things be first and always associated and acknowledged to be the work done by a humble servant of God, anonymously asking only to do more work, not asking, not wanting any earthly reward, any earthly praise.

May all labors done honestly and truly in God’s name inspire others to follow on the road to goodness with prayer, thoughts, and action and inspire others to build lives filled with universal hope and love ready to share with their neighbors, ready to share with anyone in need.

individual lives

Nothing more mercifully, more patiently, or more recurrently solicits us, in each of our individual lives, I think, than the interest of our learning how to move closer to God, how to be more like Christ in all of our daily activities, and how to live and encourage lives filled with compassion, hope, and love; the Christian, the true Christian, and above all the particular behaviors which are displayed which reflects the beauty and truth of the Word will help all who believe and obey it to reach God’s kingdom. If our lives are filled with concern, compassion, and love equally for ourselves and our neighbors, nothing will be hard for us to bear as long as offer all of our prayers, dreams, and fears to God consistently throughout each day of our lives, never stopping, never waivering. If our lives are a testament to God and his glory, love, mercy are asserted in both our actions and our deeds, then our lives will contain and inspire natural and honest humility, charity, and sacrifice. Each one of us have an individual identity with God; we each have private and personal questions to ask God; we each have to work out ways to listen to God in our lives; we must always believe and always be patient that God will reach out and touch us. We may want to believe that our lives are just a random collection of accidents and coincidences. There is a danger in this reasoning, it minimizes the reality that we are all loved by God, we are all special to God, we all have a specific purpose assigned by God. Each day each of have infinite chances to do God’s work, to share God’s Word; and each day each of us have infinite choices to follow Christ, to bear witness and use all of our lives changes for the glory and benefit of God. Our personal history can make of strong in our faith and our love for God. God does not ask us to be perfect, to be a genius. God only asks that we believe his Word and make it the basis of our lives. Faith can draw us into God’s adventure, sometimes as absolute observers, absolute participants. Our spiritual lives should naturally be filled with curiosity and inquiry, leading us on a journey to learn more about God, his mystery and our Christian experience (I mean, needless to say, when we are at all spiritually minded our lives will always be ascendant, always be in motion, always be prayerful); but there is something beautiful and calming in the clear comforting embrace of the spiritual nature, in simple terms, within each of us there should always be a continual discernment, question of vocation, desire to affirm our purpose for living is always to be God’s instruments of love, hope, and mercy. Serving God is a happy exercise in faith and love.

Inspiration

This will not be a description of how or when I became a Christian; it will be sufficient to say that I accept and understand that I was born with original sin, but that I came to convert a good while ago now. The several prayers and hymns in which, in my time, I have said and heard during my lifetime did not always please me but did inspire me, for one reason or another; our lives need purpose, direction, and hope; but when, on a summer evening about seven o’clock, I first tried to read Seven Storey Mountain, with its spiritual call and response, this autobiography has been compared to St. Augustine’s conversion, encouraging an education in the Christ’s mercy, the story of the restless and vagabond travels, observing or living; the great power of the ruined life rising high into the melancholy sky, with a whole platoon of memories--blurry figures, soft voices--skimming about with questions and revelations and facts and figures and fissures;--when I first tried reading this book, I felt instinctively that my burdens might be removed from my shoulders, that my tired fingers might write no more, that at last, within my imagination, I had found inspiration in a book to read. Initially I tried to read the book, this autobiography explains one person’s private journey; Christian spirituality needs to be nurtured and developed; this is the power of vocation, purpose of discernment, so far at least as spiritual growth is concerned, to encourage movement closer toward God in all areas of our lives. After reading a couple of chapters, I put the book down, convinced myself that I would pick it up later on, and several days, then weeks, then months passed. The book remained untouched and unread. There, with the former inspiration of the book, I tried to read this book again and again; I thought about reading the book several times and I even told several friends that I was about to read the book.

And so now as Advent begins, I am about to read the book again.

Silence

Today, I have finished reading Saint Benedict’s Rule.

My mind is filled with thoughts avoiding pride and self-importance, increasing time spent in lectio divina, obedience, silence, humility. All are intertwined, all are important. Obedience and humility are easily pulled out as cornerstones of good Christian living.

Silence resonates within my mind as being essential for a good relationship with God. There must be a time when we are quiet, when our minds are no longer worrying about whether our boss will like a report, whether there will be a parking spot close to the building, whether reservations are needed at some restaurant, or whether to call someone after some long forgotten disagreement.

Although they may appear important at the time when we look at them through anxiety colored spectacles, a second examination often diminishes the importance. We confuse all types of things with importance: convenience, ambition, control.

Silence as we become acquainted with it and as we allow ourselves to trust it can become a powerful ally for us. Before we act there should be meditation and prayer. Before we speak there should be reflection and prayer. Before we speak or act there should always be a moment of silence.

On stage as an actor learns his/her lines, they also learn the beats, which includes the written dialogue and the pauses and silences. Learning the beats is often essential for interpreting the character and breathing life into the written words. The beats of a scene often make a character more human, provide glimpses into motivations, and punctuate what is important to either the character or author. Watch any television show, stage play, or movie and you will see beats; you will see moments when the characters stop talking and begin thinking.

There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to reflect on what we have either heard or observed. Our silence provides an opportunity to catalogue, analyze different situations. Our silence is a good time for prayer. How much better or lives would be if we prayed more often and said rude, inappropriate, and unacceptable things less.

Actions and Prayers -- Part 1

The circumstance of our Christian lives presents many opportunities for us to show our love, compassion, and mercy. If we accept Christianity’s belief in social justice, we must also accept the inherent call to action that is necessary to bring the teachings and ideas about social justice alive. Before joining the Church, I gave social justice a cursory wink between deciding which restaurant and which sale to investigate this week.

The Church presents us with an expectation regarding ongoing concern and effort toward social justice. All Christians are called to action. All Christians must do God’s work. Our lives should reflect God’s love, God’s mercy, God’s compassion, God’s forgiveness. Modernity encourages haste and instant gratification. Modernity is spasmodic and enmeshed in tangled webs of individual rights, individual freedoms, individual selfishness.

When we act in God’s name by helping the less fortunate and those who can not help themselves, our actions become indomitable, shimmering and glittering with goodness; our actions reveal something exceptional and ethereal; our actions can contain a powerful magnetism which encourages our recidivism; and our actions are often at odds with the buckwheat flecked, caffeinated worldview of our society where all problems are solved by the government, philanthropists, or foundations; our actions allow us to be humble servants of God; we must always remember to reach toward God like Michelango’s Creation of Adam on the Sistine Chapel.

There is something obdurate in the ease and poise that is employed in avoiding animating the Church’s social justice principles. As Christians there should be no compromise, our lives should include prayers and volunteer work for the vulnerable.

The zest of Christianity is universal love, universal concern. Action by each one of us who call ourselves Christians is needed. We must be willing to pull back the glossy veneer of society and to offer whatever assistance we can. We must remember to always be courteous. We must remember to always pray.

Our prayers may reflect our true feelings, our true fears, our true hopes.

Huddled with a couple of floppy pillows beneath a quilt in dramatic fashion I am asleep dreaming of the malignant advance of avarice, apathy, acarology, and alchemy and world domination with fast sports cars, foot fights on deserted European promenades, and guns on deck-chairs.

Actions and Prayers -- Part 2

I was not sure if I was either anesthetized or oxidized but I felt paralyzed, permanently attached to this bed but I could hear voices chanting the Rosary. I could not see any faces, just ten candles slowly approaching, growing brighter. Suddenly my eyes opened.

On Saturday I climbed out of bed around six o’clock in the morning. I always find waking to be a mysterious process of reality erosion as my dreams fade and disappear into a waking reality. This morning I was the perfect stereotype of the smart, prepared, time conscious sidekick/boy-next-door embarking on my own personal adventure.

I shaved, showered, dressed, combed my hair, didn’t look at television, checked the weather online, didn’t eat a thing, picked up my cell phone, picked up my iPod, put on my leather jacket which should be repaired, and left my apartment.

If I am awake and functioning before seven I am in some type of neuralgic distress. I have displayed lunatic tendencies, cajoling chaos out of oxygen molecules and sometimes freezing hot air with just a glance and well displaced sigh previously at this uncivilized hour. I knew my destination, my route, my time estimation. I imagined all types of tragic and comedic imbroglios which might delay my progress.

How savage the world was that morning! How malnourished and uncaffeinated the other pedestrians looked! Yes, there were other pedestrians! Little women in high heels pulling heavy pieces of luggage. Men in sweatpants carrying newspapers! I had a sense of accomplishment as I listened to music to keep my mind occupied and my pace steady.

And I arrived at the meeting place early. I was so pleased with myself. I had envisioned being late or abducted by aliens or stumbling unaware into some grizzly crime scene like some unaware character in a police procedural television show.

I arrived in good spirits filled with a healthy mixture of anxiety, anticipation, and amiability. On Friday night I must have somehow been marinated in hope, love, and humility while I was recumbent. Maybe I was on some type of spiritual rotisserie which drizzled peace, social justice, compassion, charity into my character. I was calm! I was happy! I was standing near the Foggy Bottom metro station, waiting patiently, watching the people enter and exit the hospital, watching cars speed up and slow down at the stop light in front of me.

And finally I had to turn off the iPod and climb into a shiny SUV. Somehow I was sitting in the middle and there was a vague queasiness as I imagined that the two men on either side of me were mob enforcers and I was about to be rubbed out and tossed into the East River which was quickly changed into the Anacostia River because of budget restraints and I wondered if I would still get my pair of cement shoes.

My imagination turned itself off. My tongue was on mute. My mouth was on holiday. My ears were on high alert, listening to the conversation, listening to the outside sounds, listening to the cadence of the silence. I personally do not like talking before ten o’clock in the morning but I can be a spirited and active listener.

The drive across town was drenched with enthusiasm and good cheer. I think I mumbled a couple of inaudible sentences lacking in both enunciation and pronunciation.

Actions and Prayers -- Part 3

We arrived at the Missionaries of Charity. I was feeling contemplative. I surveyed the houses, noticed a statute of Mary, saw leaves and assorted toys on the ground. There was something very familiar about this place although I had never been there before. There was something venerable, something jovial, something mystical, something holy about this ground.

As I looked at the gray November sky, looked at the leafless trees, looked at the simple, inauspicious buildings, I knew that I had arrived at the place that my soul had dreamed about.

We walked into the building, walked down a short hallway and entered the kitchen. There were four boxes placed near the sink. We were instructed to remove our coats and put on aprons. I looked at this shiny stainless steel kitchen with its various sinks and countertops and cabinets and shelves. My mind did not capture any of the details of this kitchen, only the dedication and compassion of the Sisters of Charity. On one wall, there was a shiny poster with several prayers.

Almost immediately I received my first assignment and found myself submerging my hands into warm water, pushing big green collard greens down, puling them up and then pushing them down again. I smiled as I began to do this. I remembered watching my Grandmother do this when I was either six or seven, I remembered teasing my cousin about washing and cooking greens each year just before Thanksgiving.

And for a moment as I touched the water and the greens, that became my entire reality. That became my life’s task, my purpose. I focused all of my energy on those greens until I realized that my cuffs were getting wet. I stop, pushed them up.

And my ears were aware of the conversations going on around me. How easily our lives can be condensed into short sentences. On one side there was a man who had studied theology and converted to Catholicism while at University and then worked in Chicago for two years and on the other side of me there was a man from Belfast, currently in graduate school working on a thesis about Graham Greene. And they talked about monastic life, theology, becoming diocesan priests.

I was able to mumble a couple of sentences but was happiest not speaking, but listening. I was happy being thankful for this opportunity, this moment in this kitchen at this time. It was a moment when I could view an event through the eyes of an adult and a child. Memory and reality merged while I was rinsing greens and listening to talk about God and possibly serving God as a priest.

It was a sumptuous moment of hope. Feeling equal parts spiritual, giddy, and juvenile I stood there enjoying this interlude, enjoying playing in the water with the greens, enjoying the silent prayers that my soul automatically made, enjoying the camaraderie and Christian fellowship of this moment, enjoying and giving thanks for the work of the Missionaries of Charity that occurs in this South East neighborhood in Washington.

Actions and Prayers -- Part 4

And then somehow I found myself outside being asked and briefly contemplating climbing a tree with a buzz saw, cutting off unwanted limbs. Luckily a rake was placed into my hands. After a brief lesson in the correct leaf raking Mid-Atlantic posture and technique I began. It was a completely new experience for me. I could not remember ever raking leaves before. It is possible even plausible that I had raked before but I had no single memory of it.

The more I raked, the more I liked it. The more I concentrated on the leaves on the moist ground the more I thought about doing God’s work, offering my life to God. Somehow I raked leaves into several little piles, too small to jump into but large enough to see that some leaves had been removed. After I started I wished that there was time to rake all the leaves into neat little piles.

We stopped raking and went back to the kitchen where we joined the others in prayer before they served their guests.

And then piles had to be placed within black plastic bags and carried to the curb. How fun it was to hold the bag open and discuss the Mass, to learn about a monastery in Rome, to learn about the Eastern Church! Somehow the leaves were placed inside the bags and moved away from the front of the house to the street.

The morning was a pleasant gallimaufry. I did not view it as a service project. It was a moment of gentleness and patience. How polychromatic faith is! What a privilege it was to rinse the collard greens and then rake the leaves. Being exposed to different experiences with different people in search of goodness and doing God’s work is invigorating.

I felt humane and worthy of God’s love.

Actions and Prayers -- Part 5

I believe that my Christian life will be an ongoing continuous discernment, I shall always be trying to live a life worthy of God’s love. I must find a way to show humility, charity, mercy in my day to day life. My life hopefully will reflect obedience and fidelity to Christ and his teachings.

Being Catholic presents many ideas to ponder on and to pray about. Prayer is essential for a good Christian life. It is my prayer life which I must concentrate on and improve. How I communicate with God is important! When I communicate with God is important! Why I communicate with God is important.

As a Christian my relationship with God is very important. Every day of my life I must strengthen this relationship through prayer, humility, obedience. I must remember to always be humble, not to boast, not to lust for attention, not to desire and reward for doing the right thing.

Spiritual growth requires discernment; moving closer to God requires discernment; prayer is an essential component of discernment. Spiritual growth is connected to prayer.

The Beauty

I have to remember that there is a visible Holy Spirit, leading me toward God, guiding me to doing his work, encouraging me to put others first. I want to learn humility and obedience. I must always remember that the Church was founded by Jesus Christ, and as a Christian there is an implicit promise to offer my life in service of God, to love everyone equally, and be merciful, humble, compassionate. The gates of heaven are not to be taken for granted. The apostolic Church allows us to learn how to love and serve God. As Christians our lives and our daily choices should reflect the Church’s ministry. I have to remember the sacraments, Baptism, Eucharist, Confirmation.

I want to live a life that is holy and filled with God’s grace. Our lives should be filled with perpetual love and service to God. I want to add the Holy Scriptures to my daily routine, reverence for all of God’s teachings, respect for all. My faith includes silence. I can look to the saints for inspiration. I am looking for direction.

It was a singular hope that I find this inspiration, enhanced with the beauty and bounty of God.

I wonder if the over stimulation of our civilization leaves our hearts unoccupied. What will we discover about our faith? How can our lives be more devout? And do we all agree on the mission of the Church? Do we understand and believe the Church’s mission?

I hope that my life contains a pure zeal, a pure reverence for God. Each day provides lessons on how to be better, to move closer to God. My life leads me to holiness.

We commemorate our faith when we treat each other with respect and fairness; when we attend Mass and remember the Sabbath; when our lives are filled with obedience, humility, and charity. We must contemplate the saints, the Church’s creeds and prayers, the Church’s documents and dogma and use all of the knowledge from our faith in our daily lives. Our love in God makes us triumphant.

Our lives should include self-sacrifice and love.

I am searching for direction, filled with the hope of discernment. There is a desire for righteousness and holiness; however, there is a need to be merciful and forgiving in our daily lives and to live a life of worship celebrating the mystery of our faith.

I want my life to glorify God.

Hearing

I have a practiced ear, capable of listening to and remembering multiple conversations as long as I remain mute, keep my mind in listening mode.

At times with great patience I can be simultaneously auricular and an oracle.

Depending on who we listen to our lives are filled with either collisions or coincidences. Depending on my mood I find it hard to separate them. I think that my life is dreamily spasmodic, ordinarily episodic. Faith leaves me quenchless, wanting to be better, wanting to be more compassionate, forgiving, and merciful.

Learning about venial and mortal sin, I sometimes feel like a gun-toting, wisecracking lammister hiding from both the police and the mob.

Each day I want to learn more about God, more about Christianity, more about how I follow in Christ’s footsteps. Each day I want to be more humane, more loving.

The minute I recognize that there are two choices, then I immediately realize the possibility of imminent danger, confusion, or delay. Nevertheless I do enjoy playing with this cauldron of ideas, creating rhetorical questions, circulating excessively genteel fears throughout my mind.

I sometime feel that being a good Christian means being a good listener. We need to listen first, then analyze what has been said, and then respond. Listening requires an extra dollop of silence. Silence is not always awkward. Silence is often natural. People trained to expect instant gratification, immediate responses are suspicious of silence and try to fill it with all types of brittle noise.

We, as Christians, always need a bit of silence. It is a time for reflection, prayer, meditation. Silence is not always negotiable. We may hear life’s gamelan gently or boldly playing in the background. We must train ourselves to be mute. Silence can be capacious. Silence can allow us to hear God.

As Christians our lives should be an ongoing, continuous discernment process as we strive to learn new ways to serve God and to share his love with those whom we meet each day. We should educate ourselves to do more and more without requiring any acknowledgement or reward. Let love be our signpost, guiding us toward God.

The Triumph

Our lives are filled with many moments equivocal, moments caustic. Our society creates and exaggerates spiritual and existential conflicts. Our materialist culture is a jumbled mixture of assumptions and ambitions, praising decadence and moral and ethical ambiguity while hiding moral deprivation.

How abstract life can sound when certain words are utilized to manipulate our emotional response to a topic, to temper our reactions and our interactions! How absurd modernity is when society encourages distance and distrust among its diverse members. In many ways modernity will always be at war with Christianity.

The triumph of God is love. Faith is the centrifuge of the soul’s longing for God. Within faith there is something euphoric, something symbolic.

Of course within our individual narrative lines there are always examples of God’s mercy, compassion, and love which we sometimes overlook. We must acknowledge always acknowledge and offer praise to God, our lives must involve holiness.

It is easy to forget that being Christian means being part of a community. Christianity does not grow in a vacuum. In each of us Christianity’s formation has been a continual activity of our hearts, minds, and souls. It’s impact upon our imagination is hard to calculate.

The Sacraments of the Church allows us to develop and maintain an identity as believers and followers of Jesus Christ. The characteristics of Christ’s teaching provides a model for living a simple life filled with forgiveness, mercy, and love.

Modernity offers and promotes a complicated network of relationships. Even when modernity suggests simplicity, rarely is simplicity ever achieved without rejecting and/or limiting access to some core parts of modernity.

For those who allow themselves to believe and to follow the teachings of the Christianity, life can be a more simple, more spiritual, and more beautiful. This is not meant to suggest that Christian life is easy. It is not. Being Christian is often a daily struggle between good and bad; moral and ethical choices confront us each day at work, home, and many places in between; the meagerness of consumerism constantly battles our sense of social justice.

Being Christian helps us to understand the world in which we live, understand that many of the problems and concerns have been around in one form or another for thousands of years. Being Christian gives us hope and strength to survive. Being Christian allows us to believe in God, his mercy, his forgiveness, his love. Being Christian encourages us to believe that we are not alone.

A Christian life is filled with hope and love.

Heroes

There is one idea that I hope that all Christians should always consider as they live their lives each day. Our lives can inspire others to believe in God, to believe his teachings, to follow in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. As Catholic we can be heroes to those around us by simply sharing our faith; by simply praying; by helping those in need, the poor, the homeless; by simply living lives of hope, mercy, compassion, and love.

It is easy to assign this duty, this responsibility to the clergy, to the rectory staff, to the archdiocese staff, to the volunteers of the various parish ministries, to anyone but ourselves.

But, we share this responsibility to live lives that bear witness to God’s love and mercy. We share the duty to do God’s work, to spread his Word, to help those in need. All of this is to be done freely, without thought or desire of earthly reward or payment. It all needs to be done simply, beautifully for the love of God.

Altruism is good for the soul. Our culture encourages us to be selfish, to think of our comfort and well being first, to put ourselves first. This thought is in direct conflict with the teachings of Jesus Christ. There has to be something more to our lives than simply being the first in line, the first to be seated at dinner. Our lives are enriched when we are able to serve another, when we allow ourselves to assist someone who needs our help, when we put aside our prejudices and act according to the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Each of us can be a Christian hero if we allow ourselves to try and if we allow ourselves to believe in ourselves and in the glory and the power of God. When we our actions are selfless, they embody the humble, compassionate mannerisms of Christ. There is a robustness in being selfless. Being selfless introduces another way of living and behaving to us. Being selfless is a “correct” way of living and reacting to our culture.

Our dominant culture promotes the idioms of insecurity and provincialism and perverts the ideas of innocence, simplicity, spirituality. Fear is now the vigorous common denominator guiding the American culture. Many of our laws were enacted because of fear. Fifty years ago we were afraid of nuclear annihilation. Now we are afraid of dirty bombs and terrorists. God has left the building. God is only on the periphery of our culture. The dominant culture is violent, decadent, selfish, distrusts authority, desiring only instant gratification.

Our dominant culture does not offer hope, does not offer faith. It offers rhetoric, stump speeches, all types of pills with all types of side effects, all types of commercials to improve everything which can be seen by the eye. Faith, hope, love, and mercy do receive airplay in sappy love songs and in connection to the latest crime in the news.

As Christians our lives must offer an antidote to every moral and ethical argument created by our culture. We must live our lives for God. We must be willing to sacrifice our lives in service of him. The goodness in our lives which we share with each other in God’s names will make us heroes.

Faith

I have always been restless. I have always liked moving around outdoors. Once upon a time I was a cross country runner. I always liked running around and thinking or walking around and thinking. I do some of my best thinking when my mouth is still and my feet are moving me forward, moving me toward the horizon.

From the outside each religion involves many obtuse beliefs and traditions. Depending on how religion is approached there are all types of rankings and classifications which can be applied to formal worship. But faith is a serious issue which defies easy definition. It is always important to consider how faith influences each one of us as we live our daily lives.

I am peripatetic. I sometimes feel the most spiritual when outside, walking between here and there. If I am not too preoccupied or otherwise resistant, different sensations are discovered by my eyes and ears. I have on occasion felt the presence of God.

Faith is not static. Faith can displace established ways of thinking, talking, and relating to the world. Faith is fundamentally simplistic in its approach to us and specifically spiritual in its interactions with our minds, bodies, and souls. Faith can and does touch different parts of our beings.

The origin of love and hope somehow intersects with faith.

For me faith asks many questions, inspires many answers, sparks creativity. Surprisingly faith makes me restless as it encourages continual growth by creating successive series of thoughts and deeds which challenge the moral and ethical laxity of our current society. Interestingly faith is the greatest architect of all goodness, compassion, and mercy within our lives.

Admittedly, faith offers evidence to support and nourish our love of God. I believe that it is an argument for all that which is beautiful, all that which is innocence, all that which is inspirational. Faith asks me to not be conventional, to not be traditional, to dare to sacrifice myself, my life for the glory and the love of God.

It is obvious that each person’s faith creates its own private idioms. There is no question that we should all follow the Ten Commandments, live our lives according to the Church’s doctrines and rules, and above include a love and respect for everyone. I admit that it might be difficult to do but it is essential to create and maintain a good relationship with God.

In the process of examining my faith, there is an explicit desire to find a personal relationship with God, to find the origins of my hope, my love, my mercy.

Faith offers us a chance for continual discernment, continual improvement as we learn about and approach our own holiness.