Construction workers surround my building. New construction on one side, renovation on the other. Different machines whirr and grind and spin and cut creating a cacophony of creation and destruction. When something is made, often there is something to be discarded.
How people relate to each other remains a topic of interest as strangers become friends, and friends become rivals. How people relate to God when there are all types of distractions, diversions, and responsibilities remains a good way to examine and strengthen an individuals faith. It is sufficient to recognize personal fallibility, acknowledge Original sin, and be thankful for baptism and the other sacraments. It is sufficient to say the Rosary, the Lord’s Prayer, the Twenty-Third Psalm. It is sufficient to read the Bible. How an individual wants to build a relationship with God is private and unique to that person.
The prayer for vocations is beautiful, universal. Parishes all across the world offer prayers for vocations during Mass and on various websites. The need for priests, clergy, is real. I am a proponent of Vocations.
Summer mornings when school playgrounds are empty of children, looking at the empty equipment, empty basketball courts, soccer fields the need to have people scurrying about becomes immediately apparent.
Once while waiting for Mass to begin, a strange desire to be of service to God exploded in my mind. I was seated in the front of the church, a couple minutes before the 5:30 Mass was to begin. I had time to contemplate St. Paul and St. Matthew and remember certain words and phrases. Images of sheep, shepherds, seeds, loaves of bread, boats on water, fishermen with nets burst in my mind. I felt melancholy. I felt patient. I did not have the energy to speak. I felt bewildered, insignificant. My entire existence flashed and faded in my mind. “What have I accomplished? What will I accomplish? What have I done for God?
What have I accomplished for God?” These questions and others began a coordinated attack on my mind and soul. Faith provides a private cognisance and melancholy.
This was a moment of terror which faded in a sense of calm. My mind was not allowed to remain placid. More questions exploded and expanded. Nothing was too trivial or too obscure. I was conscious of something that I was not ready to accept. This moment of possibility and humble recognition both pleased and frightened me. At some point a response will be needed.
The construction cacophony fades in the heat of the approaching afternoon.
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