My Conversion

I sometimes think of my conversion and wonder how I would ever explain it to another human being. Would I stress love or would I talk of my soul. My conversion is incomplete. The journey continues. The itinerary changes each day, the destination remains the same. There is great charm in my conversion, endlessly reminding me of the need to be good, to be devout, to love others and myself. My baptism was remarkable. Over a period of a few weeks I learned the grace, delicacy, and confidence of faith, of believing in the Mystery of God. There are endless books on the philosophy and metaphysics of religion. I heard many conversations on those subjects and others. But, the most important idea which I learned and which I retained is that I am not insignificant in the eyes of God. I am loved by God. I have to respect God every second of my life. I have to be humble before God. I have to be obedient to God’s will. My conversion is more expansive than history or philosophy, in many ways is a movement orchestrated and influenced by God. There is always a desire to be like Christ. There is always a desire to love, to show mercy to all, to experience a grand universal love filled with an infinite awareness of the details of goodness and holiness. It is the experience of this love which teaches me how to be Christian, which keeps my mind aware of my strengths and weaknesses. Loving and serving God is an acquired taste, an acquired desire to be loyal, obedient, reverent, and loving. The psychology of a life with Jesus Christ begins in the sphere of love and continues to sphere of social justice; a life with Christ revolves around ideas of simplicity, sacrifice, and fairness. Oh, true hope, true faith are delicacies waiting to guide each one of us. A life with Christ is filled with many subtleties of emotion and awareness; I learned to close my eyes and to feel the presence of Christ Jesus in my life. My conversion is often in direct conflict with my personal affectations, my personal preoccupations. My conversion is a renewal of my social and educational interests, directed outward, searching for ways to serve God. My imagination finds new ways to serve him, new desires for goodness and holiness within my life. My conversion is the search for a pure and clean ingenuity and sagacity, created with a foundation of compassion, obedience, and love. Serving God faithfully with my entire heart, soul, and mind is my goal. There is something very exquisite in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. How fine the prayers are, how they tug at my heart, encourage me to desire to live a priestly life of love, obedience, and sacrifice. Each word teases my ears, plunders my imagination, leads me closer and closer to God. There is a gentleness, something very soothing, very renewing in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. And there is a bold rush, a zephyr pushing me toward goodness, holiness, serenity, pushing anxiety and thoughts of the secular world aside.

There is great beauty in my conversion. It is hopeful and peaceful. There is admiration, tenderness, gratitude.

My character now feels like that of a child filled with wonder and possibility.

Oh, I am dreamy at times. I am learning to pray.