The Moon, The Clouds, and Three Vows

Writing an essay is sometimes a difficult endeavor. A topic or theme has to be chosen. A position decided upon. An attitude embraced and expressed in words and phrases, both succinct and yet descriptive. Writing about my impression of Catholicism is both daunting and comforting.

There is no topic. There is no theme. I shall share my stream of consciousness. Or my meditation on humanity. Yes, this shall be something between a meditation and a stream of consciousness.

There are white clouds against a washed out blue sky. The Washington Monument looks neon white in the distance. I have been thinking about a vow of chastity, a vow of poverty, and a vow of obedience.

The three vows have bounced in and out of mind during the last two days. Which vow is most appealing? Which is most troublesome? Chastity. Obedience. Poverty. All three of them can easily be romanticized. The vows suggest a beauty, a yearning for purity that is decidedly simplistic, decidedly opposed to the hectic, free-wheeling life of rampant consumerism.

This is an age of materialism and pettiness. Love is a commodity. Great conversations center on drinking, sex, boss avoidance, Delaware tolls, iced tea. Jobs often are not vocations but a means to an end. Materialism provides a wonderful background and handsome props. But, it also produces a brittleness, an anxious fragility. This is not the time to examine one's conscience. This is not the time to sit silently, thinking about God. This is not the time to write an essay.

For many those statements are true. But, for a few, a select group of brave adventurers who understand modern life and it's difficulties, who understand and accept the beauty, strength, and peace of chastity, obedience, and poverty, let them always be our guides and our inspiration.

I can see the moon, white and shining, against the washed-out blue sky. It is a little beyond eight o'clock. I can see a jet flying above the clouds. It is Friday. This sunset has an unworldly beauty, like something created for a Hollywood science fiction movie. Another jet appears and flies against the white cloud as it moves above them.

The three vows possess an unworldly power, otherworldly serenity. There is a hint of something real, something beyond ordinary, day to day comprehension.

There is an ancient naturalism in them.
I am drawn to the three vows. This is not the essay I had planned on writing. This is not the essay which was arranged in my mind.

I am left with a question of personal conviction, personal bravery, personal conscience. Looking at this July sunset, with the moon and clouds, I ask myself, what am I willing to do for God.

Writing an essay is sometimes about presenting a solution; however, sometimes, it might also be about presenting the unasked question.

Vocation - American Style

Once upon a time, there was one little country boy, walking on an urban sidewalk. And he allowed himself to see God in faces of passing strangers. It was an existential moment of questions and answers; a lyrical moment of wonderful belief, faith, and love; an exemplary moment of inspiring and living Catholicism.

He had a personality shaped by sitcoms, detective shows, and imported international miniseries. There was an understated curiosity about him. He was always ready with a question and a smile. In his being was a growing love of his religion, growing respect of his faith. Learning about God and how to please God, pleased and challenged him.

There was an ordinariness about him, detached and graceful as he searches for goodness and his path. His eyes looked around him, at the glass storefronts, the neon signs, the rushing pedestrians. Then he tried to remember something he heard at Mass.

beautiful, service, faith, love, sharing, direction, forgiveness, help, dedication, charity, peace, kindness, empathy, honor, privilege, ceremony, tradition, Bible, St. Paul, homily, God's work, community, family, prayer, reflection, examination of conscience,

Sometimes I too have a feeling leading me in a certain direction; interpreting past events and assigning symbolic significance, religious archetypes to the realities from my life. Sometimes I too must acknowledge my faults, my sins, even the smallest elements, the random thoughts, brash and wild. Sometimes I too realize the material world may be beautiful and yet there is an element of the intangible which creates obsession, greed, lust.

In quiet moments there is a very tangible sensation, the material that both hope and love are made of, that leads my brain through all the formative influences. There are examples supreme and sublime. There is a search for a lucid freshness and purity. There is an innocent insistence which challenges my being, my inactivity.

Here and there, I have made small discoveries about myself and there is a desire for a relationship with God which contains greater fidelity. Each new discovery could be complemented by an anecdote or a fragment. Nothing is isolated.

I have been on a journey for a long time, following the traces, the ancient footsteps everywhere. I have observed life and something beyond life, something beyond words. Now, my heart and soul yearn for God's grace, God's love, and to do God's work.

It is never too late to yearn.