New Year’s Eve has departed,—These are my first hours of my life in movement, full of hope, full of faith but the impression of goodness and holiness I actually seek is very different from what I first imagined. 2010 has arrived.
I am in a state of great creative tension because of the unending march of answers and questions within my heart, mind, and soul. I lead the life of a calculus problem. I long to be a servant of God, to do what is needed without hesitation or question, I hope to live a life of complete obedience to God filled with effort and prayer, and destined eventually to please God as I proclaim his grace, goodness, and love through both my actions and words.
What I keep learning can be described simply as how to love and want nothing in return except to love more and to help more. It is the simplicity of silence and of prayer which moves me now.
And I am happy to be alive. And I am happy to be learning about the trinitarian, Christological, and ecclesiological foundations of the Church.
I am filled with hopes and prayers, and soon it will be time for Mass, the Archbishop will be the celebrant.
Now life is quiet, calm. The weather is cold yet magnificent, and all sounds peaceful and confident. I think of those who are sick or suffering or hungry or lost or without God in their hearts and I say a prayer, and I wish that there was something more immediate, more expedient that I could do to change the situation, make everyone feel better if only briefly. The spirit always searches for goodness, holiness.
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