Monday, August 31, 2009

Simple

August will end in a couple of hours.

Today, I celebrated a new friend’s birthday.

Today, I remembered my parents and my grandparents.

Today, as I looked into the sky filled with bright white clouds, there was both joy and sadness in my heart as memories of yesterday and hopes for tomorrow collided.

And so on this Monday, I have an understanding of where I have been and where I hope to go.

I understand why prayer is needed.

Hope is good.

God is love.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Virtue from a Distance

Life often encourages us to define real. At some point our friends, loved ones will tell us to define reality.

Since this is the last Sunday in August, the official end to the summer season, I think that this might be a good time to examine our minds and sould.

This is a great time to review our ideals. What are some simple, general ideals that you have? How do your ideals influence or shape your life?

In a couple of weeks, autumn will begin. As the seasons change, our understanding of virtue should also change and deepen. Now is a great time search for how virtue influences your life. What are some virtues which people might associate with you?

As a Christian we must both understand and try to infuse the virtues into our everyday lives; it is not sufficient to say that I am baptized, but our actions must proclaim the love we feel for God in the deeds that we do for others. Hopefully when virtues are honestly infused in our hearts and in our lives we will be filled with and share God’s grace, love, and compassion. Virtue sometimes inspires either questions or assumptions; reason is easily obscured when confusion closes the curtains of truth.

A noisy late summer afternoon stretches and reclines around this great city. The anxious traffic on the old raggedy streets barely stop when the light turns red, accelerates into intersections as the lights turn green and a man leaves church thinking about incorporating the Christian virtues into his life.

Sunday is a great day to think of humility.

We must always remember the sacrifice and love of Jesus Christ and strive to share unconditional love and compassion with both familiar and unknown people.

As I write this, I acknowledge the difficulty in doing this but at the same time I can see the benefits of doing it.


Friday, August 28, 2009

In and Out Trying to be Devout

Life presents many opportunities to forget and to remember things.

Telephone numbers, addresses, names, faces, birthdays, and anniversaries are often on the memory carousel within the brains of most human beings. It is a fact of life. We are in a state of starting and stopping tasks, arriving and departing from different places.

This morning I resumed reading Introduction to the Devout Life by Francis De Sales. I had begun reading it several months ago. With great enthusiasm I read the Translator’s Introduction, then the Dedicatory Prayer and Notice to Reader, then The Author’s Preface and then finally I read the eight chapters with building interest.

In my zeal, I neglected reading and understanding the table of contents. Being in a rush I jumped into the book without planning how to learn the lessons of the book. At the time stopping and doing eac meditation sounded great. At that time I must have been a lunatic in search of an asylum.

I created a very rigorous regimen of reading one meditation a day, and then sitting quietly contemplating on the topic. I downloaded some nice chimes to monitor my meditation time. My mind was too cluttered with clamoring thoughts and I was neither prepared nor able to focus my mind on one topic for longer than a second or two. Somewhere during the second or third meditations I came up with the idea of capturing my meditation thoughts.

Well, reading of the book stopped. Each day I read only the the chapter which related to the meditation topic. With each advancing day, meditating became harder and harder. My ability to focus was on holiday. So, at some point the book was returned to the book shelf and I too went on holiday.

But, something in the book remained in my mind, swirling and bubbling in my gray matter. I was still interested in reading the book. I just had to decide upon a time. Since I was going to New York I decided this would be the perfect traveling companion.

And so I began reading this book again. I skimmed through the table of contents and then read the chapters and through the chapters describing the meditations.

Reading was an enjoyable experience, I had to force myself to concentrate several times because of people of talking loudly on their cell phones, because of a silly violent movie, and because of the sound of the rain and the other vehicles on the interstate.

Later, I will do the meditations. After I finish reading the entire book.

Life presents many opportunities to stop and start, forget and remember, pray and pray.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Confession Calls and I Crawl Away

My dearest reader,--I have been sitting in front of this computer for hours, waiting minute after minute for some new fresh inspiration.

Between imagination and indecision, I am happily wading this morning in the rushing wild waters of some distant frontier river, wading without socks or spell checking software.

So many things are swimming through my mind. I overheard a terrific story which I immediately decided to interpret as a sign of goodness and faith.

I want to write about prayer. So many words and phrases move back and forth in my brain. I am writing and erasing words, making and unmaking sentences, creating phrases. Indeed I am having fun as a wordsmith but concerned about the lack of progress.

I long to live a devout life of prayer and good deeds.

I am moving toward that goal, slowly toward it.

Goodness, kindness, compassion, hope, and love can encourage us to be better people, to live more humble, more beautiful lives. Our Faith can lead us to many exquisite, inspirational things when we allow ourselves to follow.

I have a juvenile aversion to confession. Disclosing my imperfections and sins to another living person slightly unnerves me. I do not have to be reasonable. I do not have to create syllogisms in my mind. I just have to accept the current status quo. I can listen to all my friends who enjoy confession, who go regularly, and who are able to describe the benefits of it.

I privately think of going, sometimes make elaborate plans for going to confession in another part of the city but somehow I do not follow through. But, there is something good in the making and unmaking of those plans. I am making progress; I do not have a fantastic aversion to confession. My mind just has to add it to my weekly routine, schedule it like a dentist or doctor’s appointment. My mind needs to allow me to imagine it as a dreary sort of desolation or exposition before a new plot point can occur.

An important part of confession occurs before the meeting with the priest. The examination of conscience, the cataloging and acceptance of our sins should happen before confession. The cataloging and acceptance is fun, terrifying, and tiring. I know that it is not enough locate and shine the spotlight on my sins. I know that I need to repent, to acknowledge fault and ask for strength to avoid sinning in the future.

One of these days I will do it, before the next Easter Vigil. Maybe even before Labor Day.

There is a soothing melancholy in life, as ideas become plans, plans become actions, and other actions become plans, and plans becomes ideas. Our minds are constantly working. Our souls should be constantly praying. We create some plans to give our lives a lulling, rhythmic atmosphere. Motion waits for us but we have a plan to execute.

After my confession I will allow myself to enjoy the beautiful, romantic architecture of Venice, to read Scripture while reclining in a gondola, and then listening to music in the Piazza San Marco as I give thanks for the splendor that God has allowed my imagination discover.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Breifly

On Tuesday morning I visited the United States Conference of Catholic Bishop website and learned about their Roman Missal Formation and Health Care Reform websites. I glanced at an article about Liturgical Reforms. I read about the Tridentine Mass and statements made by the Vatican economists. I read accounts of some of Pope Benedict’s Sunday statements.

On Wednesday morning I learned that Senator Edward M. Kennedy had died. On different channels television this was the lead story. This was one of the lead stories of the New York Times and the Washington Post.

A close friend called and informed me of Senator Kennedy’s death. We were saddened but not surprised by this event. I carefully chose which articles to read. It took me several attempts before I could write anything, feel anything. Each death unlocks the feelings of the previous deaths of other loved ones that I have experienced. Each death makes me wonder about my own personal death.

Death often is more intriguing to us than life.

And life continues. We keep breathing. We keep praying. Our Faith keeps growing.

Death encourages and receives lavish praise which often extend beyond the immediate subject. A good life can inspire others to be compassionate, humble, serving God.

Am I A thinking and Writing Catholic?

I am thinking and writing about God and my faith; I have naturally been
excommunicated by many of my old acquaintances and friends because since immediately before my conversion I reduced the amount of contact I had with many of them. It was really simple. I stopped calling and sending emails. It was quite painless actually. No profanity or angry protestations were exchanged. I simply drifted away. I am a person who likes to talk and if I am not concentrating I tend to mumble and speak under my breath as a consequence many new acquaintances often ask me to repeat my sentences which I do. It is with new people that I learn about me and how I move through this world.

My thoughts are often on God, my Faith, and living a life of love, compassion, and social justice. I feel exhausted after confronting the arrogance, ignorance, avarice, confusion, indecision, and anxiety of modern living. This list changes each day, it contracts and expands everyday. This list reminds me of my schooldays when I was learning how to say and spell these words. I never then thought that my life or anybody’s life could exist with the extremity of any of those “dollar” words. My schooldays were filled with reading books, playing basketball, running track and wondering about how great and grand the future would be. As a child I imagined a loving safe world of happy church going people.

As an adult I discovered that life exists within close proximity of confusion and indecision. Hesitation is often the greatest ally. We all do need time to think, to ponder, to imagine.

The more time we spend in prayer or in service to God the more our lives are enriched. The more we stop thinking about acquiring new bric-a-brac and start living our lives following in the footsteps of Jesus the better our lives will be. Consumerism is noisy. Consumerism preys on insecurities. Consumerism likes agitation and anxiety.

We must remember patience. We must remember kindness. We must remember God is quiet, loving.

As adults life presents many journeys, many routes. There are often many things that we desire to do and as many obstacles. And so the trip to the coast is organized in conjunction with this celebration, those weather conditions, those boat rides, that house party, seeing those people while not seeing these people and eating at that new restaurant mentioned in some magazine. Both the fragility and perplexity of the journey is lost, hidden beneath the weight of the plan. Life is made up of choices and choices have been made. As adults life often encourages us to stop and examine the wildflowers and tall grass that we are trampling on as we move toward our destination.

At some point we must stop, allow ourselves to linger in the love and grace of the Lord. It is good to be a spiritual visitor, to allow yourself a moment to ponder a passage from Scripture, some ecclesiastical doctrine, or the life of a particular saint.

As adults we must remember all the goodness and love that God has given to us and we must find ways to share that goodness and love with others.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Being Good is Difficult

Several news organizations wrote articles which mentioned some of the statements which were made by Pope Benedict XVI’s on Sunday from Castel Gandolfo, Italy. His statements echoed Sunday’s Gospel and reminded us how difficult it is to live the Christian virtues. The difficulty of following Christ remains the same as when he was alive and many of his disciples left him.

Our lives today are filled many choices and distractions. How difficult can it be to live a life of love, compassion, and mercy? Is putting God first and trusting that frightening? I wonder if sometimes we forget how important the spirit is to our lives. The flesh and the pleasures of the flesh dominate our culture. The church reminds us that the spirit provides life.

Each time we pass a homeless person and do not have any feelings of compassion, we are moving away from God. Each time we think that abortion is an acceptable alternative, we are moving away from God.

Goodness is not fashionable. Living a life of Christian virtues is not fashionable. There are some things which are more important than the current fashions. Being unique opens us up to different experiences. Being Christian means understanding the dualities of our lives and our desires. Being Christian means living a life of social justice that is moral and ethical. Being Christian is often difficult with an ever growing list of distractions and diversions leading us away from God’s teachings.

Our faith in God can give us strength and hope.

At sometime in our lives all Christians are asked, “Do you also want to leave?” It is a refrain in our lives, that is always there, always a choice. But, there is another question which accompanies that one. At sometime in our lives all Christians are asked, “Why do you want to stay?”

How we answer these questions teach us about ourselves and our beliefs! We need to have God in our lives. We need goodness and hope in our lives and hearts. We need to have things in our lives which encourage and strengthen our faith.

Our lives should always reflect our belief in the words of eternal life which were given to us by Jesus Christ.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Joshua and John Ask Tough Questions

My life is filled with moments of wisdom and moments of folly. My decisions help determine the outcome. Life is filled with making choices. I do that all day. Sometimes choices are made without thought or contemplation. Choices are both a fact and a byproduct of life.

Yesterday’s first reading resonated with me. Joshua issued a simple statement. He announced his intent to serve the Lord while asking the other leaders about their plans. Each day I ask myself that question as I make my plans, decide which friends to see, say my prayers. Choice requires action. Choice can be noisy.

Yesterday, I made the choice to attend Mass. I made the choice to take a shower. I made the choice to make a peanut butter and strawberry preserve sandwich. I made the choice to pray for my family. I made the choice to think about what my true vocation is. made the choice to stop and ask myself what is God asking me to do.

My choice is to serve the Lord. Some days my stride is long, my pace is quick and well defined. Other days my stride is short, my pace is slow and lackadaisical. But, in my heart remains the desire to serve the Lord.

After Mass I walked home listening to orchestral music. My mind replayed bits and pieces of the homily. “Somehow, Peter always gets these great one liners.” I was comforted by how human and flawed the Apostles were. Their strong belief in God was inspiring. I crossed the bridge and noticed the crescent moon floating graciously in the western sky. How low the moon was! My mind was bouncing back and forth between the traffic, other pedestrians, my long running almost serialized science fantasy of robots, rogue politicians and ray guns, and the homily. Choice kept moving to the front.

With a hint of folly I wished that my missiological background was better formed. I wished that I my knowledge was greater than just the names of the various orders and a vague listing of where the work is performed.

Making the choice to serve the Lord is just one part of an incredible journey. Making a choice also involves some type of action, movement, or response.

When I returned home, somehow the Catholic News Service Blog was discovered and my eyes were skimming an entry by a priest who had received a new assignment to work at a high school in Detroit. The word “new” dominated the first paragraph. And so I continued reading.

Change often accompanies choice. Anxiety, nervousness, desire to succeed often simultaneously accompany choice. Believing and serving the Lord can sometimes be difficult and uncomfortable if we are not mindful of our thoughts.

We often make choices to satisfy different longings in our hearts and minds. It is our duty to praise and give God thanks. If we can be truly, one hundred percent humble before God, then our success is guaranteed. The stronger our faith, the stronger we are.

Our faith provides us with choices. Our faith provides us with change.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Consolation, Communication, Joy

I

The consolation of these refreshed faces in silence;
    Flames on squat candles, a hushed church.

II

The communication of these faces in their faith;
    Kneeling, lowered head and prayer.

III


Great joy follows
    acknowledging
Your faith in life.
   

Pray We

Pray we for love, patience, and solitude,
Prepare our hearts for eternal giving

Though I have seen many statues and paintings,
Prepare my weary brain for gentle living.

And I would rather be more penitent than sweet,
Pray for votive candles, silence, and those grieving,

Pray we for gentle guidance, bountiful hope
Prepare justice to encourage all our believing.

A Crash Course in Loving God

The morning sun feels warm against my face. My eyes glance at the new empty playground a safe shock absorbing green with large muted yellow or gold stars, crescent moon, and sun. Shiny metallic modern art pieces can also be seen.

An individual’s faith is sometimes like a playground. How faith is utilized and integrated within a person’s life can be illuminating.

Our faith provides our morality, our sense of right and wrong, good and bad, justice and injustice. Our faith explains both our mortality and our quest for entrance to God’s kingdom.

Believers strive and struggle to create lives of goodness, fairness, love, and mercy. Believers acknowledge that both sacrifice and diligence are required. Believers accept that creating and maintaining such a life might be difficult. Believers accept the idea that failure accompanies this quest.

Faith offers hope.

Sin and invitations to sin surround us. Faith offers a beacon, a path away from sin.

Baptism cleanses us, removes sin from us. We have to walkaway, we can not look back. Like Orpheus faith leads us from the darkness, from the gloom. Sin, however, wants us to stop, to glance back, to remember something which should not be remembered. Past sins often call to us, often suggest that we are invincible, suggest that “this will be the last time.” Those who are learned and courageous in their faith can ignore this trap on Memory Lane. Others get caught at the corner of Memory and Vain. Failure is not forever. Faith encourages us to continue moving toward God, to continue striving to be better people concerned with both our immediate world and the universal world equally, with compassion and kindness for all.

Failure is not bad. We can learn from our mistakes and become closer to God.

My eyes are accustomed to the sunlight. Sunglasses are often uncomfortable and forgotten by me. The wind blows. I stand up, and lean against the slowly rusting fence. My hands grip the slowly rusting pipe attached to the fence. For a moment, I imagine that I am flying. Nine floors up, my chest leans beyond the fence. Four shiny metal cars all painted in the similar nondescript grey wait to be picked up. The three stars and the crescent moon invite a journey beyond this place, to another playground on a distant planet. The metallic jungle gym waits for arms to swing and legs to climb.

And I think of Mesopotamia and I think of Michelangelo.

I look at the three stars, the crescent moon, and the sun and I wonder, simply, quietly wonder.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Spirit and The Flesh - Part 1

Galatians V. 16, 17.

I say, then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh. For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you may not do what you want.

Between the spirit and the flesh an eternal conflict exists. It is the struggle for goodness.

Simplicity is desirable. The spirit enjoys solitude. The soul stretches, reaches toward heaven. Smart is the spirit, filled with stories and parables. With testimony about the Savior, God’s sacrifice becomes a lesson about how to live life beyond the school house sack lunch. Life is filled with stop signs. The spirit encourages the heart and soul to move toward goodness, to ascend toward heaven. The spirit believes in salvation.

Prudent is the spirit. Avoiding the prison of lust, greed, and selfishness prayer encourages and protects love. How patient is true hope! How proper is peace. And how penitent the worshiping soul sounds, gentle, measured, beautiful like a piano concerto. Faith is lush, fertile. It is a pity that more people do not instinctive trust their faith. Pauline ideas often create compassion and understanding. Understands both poetic and social justice the spirit does and is often playful evocative with irony and poetic license. Love, mercy, and compassion each exists beyond words and definitions in the realm of symbols. Everything is a paradigm. Everyone has an idea of heaven and Paradise. The spirit helps to prepare entrance into the Kingdom.

Interested in serving God is the spirit. Inner exploration is welcomed. The symphony of head, heart, and brain working in unison help to identify and ignite a passion for God. Within all human beings faith and love are indigenous. The spirit involves the brain in lessons and exercises to expand faith and loyalty for God. Goodness alone is not an indemnity; charity, kindness, and love are needed. As each symbol is interpreted, God’s importance in our lives must be mentioned.

Remember and try to imitate Jesus Christ the spirit often encourages. Renew your faith and love of God frequently. Always strive to be righteous. God issues invitations to regenerate, to return to his loving embrace. The spirit often shares these requests with us.

Incomplete is a man without God in his life. Faith helps create something incomparable in the souls of men. Accepting God’s love and living a life of honest service to God will allow interior beauty and peace to flourish. The spirit implants hope.

Time is often the favored ally of the spirit. Proper thought and discernment can restore peace. A man’s faith creates his overture and his tableau. During awkward moments, the spirit twitches softly causing the soul, heart, and head to respond, to turn toward God and think of goodness, virtue, sacraments, and sacrifice.

The Spirit and the Flesh - Part 2

Galatians V. 16, 17.

I say, then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh. For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you may not do what you want.

Between the flesh and the spirit an eternal conflict exists.

First, the realism of the flesh creates a world of pleasure, endless and bountiful, by emphasizing fun and frivolity. Here is continual pursuit of mayhem and disorder, here is obedience to a childish anarchy tempered with the slowing decaying smell of ripe fruit waiting for the arrival of fruit flies. The mind often exists within a famine of delusions, petrified by diversions and formulas of avoidance and apathy. Fun requires neither contemplation nor discernment. Both, are frequently banished. Without hope or love or compassion life proceeds with a reckless fragility waiting to break.

Language creates lust. How the eyes look at an object and then how the brain interprets can lead to lustful desires. Lust does not bring life, lust does not precede love. Lust is lackadaisical; often it is a hodgepodge of competing and conflicting impulses which desire attention and response. How many languid moments of unfettered, unadulterated lust are modern people exposed to because of the omnipresent media? There is something lawless in lust which is often not captured in words but observed in gestures and glances. The languor of desire is often both amusing and frightening.

Everyday the flesh decides what is easy, what is evil. Epigrams are created in the morning; epigraphs are shared with cocktails; and epitaphs are served cold with dinner. The flesh likes things flashy, effervescent. The flesh often eviscerates both faith and love by encouraging immediacy of action and the eviternity of love and friendship. The flesh likes to to talk about eternity but treats the idea with a bright neon type of flashing pessimism. Eager and eavesdropping with a false, often chilly ebullience appears the flesh under close examination.

Sin is fun. Sin likes to be first in both heart and mind. How easy it is to be selfish and frivolous! How easy it is to be a slave to lust and other delusions! When the flesh rules the conscience, the heart and soul are forced into a fretful, uneasy slumber. Stretch marks are frequently the byproducts of sin.

Hollow feelings accompany a life lived for the heat of the flesh. A special torturous habeas corpus waits to present all of the horror and debauchery and decadence of hackneyed lust and avarice. How hagridden a life without love, mercy, and compassion becomes.

Friday, August 21, 2009

A View of the Dome

When I look to the south I can see the dome of the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle. It rises up like helmet and seems to hover above other buildings. When I look to the west I can see the National Cathedral rising up above a forest of green trees. It is easy to imagine a medieval, European setting when glancing at those imposing stone towers rising heroically toward heaven. It is beautiful but feels remote, distant from the city. The forest of trees create a wall which separates the National Cathedral from the city.

I can see two domes when I look at the city’s skyline. To the east is the Capitol dome and to the west is the St. Matthew’s Cathedral dome. In many ways they provide balance both architecturally and spiritually. Depending on my mood, I can imagine how they complement each other.

But looking at St. Matthew’s Cathedral dome, slightly taller than most buildings in that part of the city, but surrounded by other buildings and seemingly dwarfed by the Washington Monument in the distance, it is easy to imagine how intertwined the church is to this city.

There is something humble about that dome which suggests a quiet diligence. It is not ostentatious. St. Matthew’s Cathedral blends in with it surroundings, quietly beckoning those in need and those who can assist.

I take great comfort in the knowledge that the Cathedral is surrounded by rooftop exhausts and elevator rooms and giant noise making mechanical things. From the distance my eyes can not see these things. From a distance my mind remembers the daily Mass schedule, people sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament, people walking up the front steps.

My mind sees two Cathedrals of St. Matthew the Apostle. One is alive today with all the activity and noise and smells from Rhode Island Avenue and warmly welcoming all to visit. It is completely urban, modern. The other is alive over a hundred years ago with the hope and prayers and Latin Mass from many yesterdays. It is completely traditional, hardworking.

Here is a place of discernment, prayer, and action.


Inspired By the Writings of St. Paul

Beloved, you have been with me on a very personal journey as I search within myself to discover how I might help people outside of myself. I have felt like a foreigner as I challenged some of my beliefs and lazy thinking. Your faith has been both inspiration and guide.

Just being in your presence provided a glimpse at unfettered kindness, unshackled goodness. Our lives can be so much more than a mere chronology of events when we believe in God and share that belief with others. How we share our belief is both private and public. What are we willing to do in God’s name? I have seen your courage, your compassion, your patience.

I have learned that being selfish often encourages carelessness in how we interact with others. A giving heart is unbounded and filled with reverence. Life is best when nothing is wasted.

You have shown me a tenderness that I did not deserve but which taught me how to love with my eyes closed. I now understand life is best lived without conditions or expecting anything back from any act of kindness.

It is easy to forget or hide feelings of past love, past hope. But, it was beautiful to remember the goodness of the past and to associate it with the goodness of the present and with you.

Each minute that we are alive is a minute to give thanks and praise to God. Each minute that we are alive is a minute to share and inspire faith and hope. Each minute that we are live is a minute to love unconditionally. Doing those things each minute will be difficult but in the end it will be beneficial for our souls want us to rise up in goodness and love and become beacons for all.

I have learned about the beauty of being in a community because of your patience and kindness. The most beautiful thing is meeting someone filled with God’s grace, God’s love, and God’s will and then being asked to do a simple task. The request created a bond which shall never be broken. I want my life to be filled with God’s grace, God’s love, and God’s will.

It is easy to move through each minute saying, prayers welcome.

I have learned so much about being of service to God from simply being with you, observing you, and listening to what you say about your Faith.


List From a Windy Sunny Morning

Sitting outside at 7:00 AM as the sun rises and a strong wind blows, I decide to create a list in no specific order of topics that I have discussed within the last year which have a direct connection to the Catholic Church.

1.        Social Justice teachings

2.        St. Paul’s life and letters

3.        Abortion and the Church’s position

4.        The Death Penalty and the Church’s position

5.        The Sacraments

6.        The Cardinal virtues

7.        The Eucharist

8.        Mary’s role in the Church

9.        The Rosary

10.        The Beatitudes
        
11.        Vocations

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Reporting Almost Live

Last night I had the privilege of attending a birthday celebration for two distinguished, faithful men. The event had been on my calendar for weeks but I at the last minutes was feeling a little under the weather. The humidity attacked me mercilessly as I tried to complete some errands in my neighborhood. My clothes stuck to my body, perspiration circles appeared on my chest and stomach. How could I dare attend a birthday celebration when I felt so miserable.

Well, first I did all the grooming things that all the magazines near the grocery store checkouts suggest. I shaved, took a lukewarm shower, and put on clean, comfortable clothes.

I debated about whether to bring a camera and then picked up the camera bag and dashed out. At first the twilight air felt cool. Then, the humidity attacked me; I did not surrender.

Surprise parties often contain so many levels of surprise that It is difficult unraveling who is more surprised the host or the celebrated special guests.

Upon my arrival my eyes witnessed so much activity and energy that I felt like a boy of ten again at play during recess. Tables were being moved into place. Clear plastic cups with “Happy Birthday” napkins and green plastic flatware were being arranged on the tables. I could hear laughter and gentle, loving greetings. It was a room filled with hope.

There was something spontaneous in the movements, something regenerative in the words, something spiritual in this group of people. What a wonderful community was formed last night, a wonderful community of God.

In celebrating those two birthdays all birthdays were celebrated. In celebrating those two birthdays our belief in God was honored. In celebrating those two birthdays the sacrifices of others were remembered. Birthday parties are always about more than cake and presents. Birthday parties are about love, hope, faith.

It was a night of prayer, potato salad, chicken fajitas, sharing, reconnecting; it was a night of ice, soda, beans and rice, and pinatas. Glancing back it was a moment of love shared by a community of God.

Goodness of the Rising Sun

The position of the rising sun simply tells the story of the changing seasons.

At sunrise there is a gentle haze over much of the city. The buildings appear crowded. The ones closest are uneven in upkeep. But, a kind of calm beauty does exist because of these edifices. What is visible are primarily windows of varying sizes and different types and colors of stone and brick.

At dawn the exterior of the buildings and one descending helicopter are enough to capture any imagination. This dawn the city appears at peace. Birds fly from building to building. Flies land on tables, on chairs, on computer screens and begin to explore. At dawn the sky is a pale blue, a smart passive color which invites a glance or two and then reflection.

The sounds of the morning are the sounds of life. There is definitely repetition. There is definitely motion. All types of vehicles can be heard, not seen. Listening to the mechanical whirrings and buzzings allows the mind to have a little bit of calm. The noise soon drifts into the background.

What types of prayers wait in the hearts of the city at dawn? What types of hopes and dreams wait to rise and confront another day. It is August. The sun now rises over the north eastern part of the city. At dawn it is an orange orb floating just above the horizon. For a moment it looks like a pumpkin, regal and ripe, waiting to be carved.

In the mechanical quiet as the sun becomes brighter, feels warmer against exposed skin, faith, love, charity might move quietly in the boulevards of someone’s brain. Goodness in some people might need calm to flourish. Goodness is needed by all people at all times.

Goodness encourages goodness. Prayer encourages prayer. Love encourages love. How simple that sounds. In reality it might take a minute for one person or a lifetime for another. The basis for goodness is faith. How an individual describes, nurtures, and uses faith is very important. Faith gives human being a sense of who we are, a sense of loyalty, a sense of hope. Faith begins very privately somewhere in the interior of every human being.

As the sun rises above the horizon the to do list returns in mind. As the sun rises elongated shadows appear on the concrete. The shapes create amusing shapes worth of being painted by Picaso. Iron and wooden benches appear like imposing urban towers or elegant china cabinet glass doors with diamond shaped window panes. There are infinite ways that the imagination can describe and preserve this moment, there are infinite ways that faith can encourage and enlighten those who are willing to be obedient and humble.

Looking at the buildings always creates questions. No matter how handsome and clean the buildings look it is still difficult to know what happens on the interior. It is the same with human beings. The clothes and manners often provide distractions. The jokes and sentences hint at the truth but are often red herrings. Like clouds covering the sun, every person conceals and reveals different parts of their personality at different times.

This revelation simply hints at the evolving story of life.

The position of faith in our lives simply tells the story of hope and loving God.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Georgetown, Green River Grass

I am not a botanist. I do not know the names of most plants. I only know the most basic descriptions: tree, flower, plant.

I know which is pleasing to my eyes and which is pleasing to my imagination. Often, the trees and plants are just scenery, things in the background, noticed but not remembered.

Like all writers my imagination is always searching for metaphors, always trying to cajole syntax, always wanting to take the most simple, mundane idea and turn it into something beautiful and thought provoking. So after a long walk, my eyes were exhausted. People of various ages and sizes had been cataloged. My ears had been paying attention to automobiles with varying cacophony skills. Buildings of uniform sizes had been admired because of slight differences in stone and glass.

But, for the first time, my eyes uncovered the natural beauty of tall grass near the river. It was easy to imagine the grass as being there forever. This grass stretched and swayed toward heaven. The blades were different shades of green, different widths, and different lengths. Clumped together, although individual blades were clearly visible, this was one unified thing, one living community.

Some of the blades were bent to the left, others to the right. All around were other blades surrounding, encapsulating. How fertile it all looked! Other plants more delicate, more unique appeared amongst the blades. Fragile petals could be seen. But, this arrangement was beyond artistic, beyond beautiful. It was awe inspiring. Each blade reflected the late afternoon sunlight in an unique way. There was something serene and disciplined in this arrangement; there was something wild and chaotic in this clump of grass.

What stories did each blade have to share? What prayers did each blade remember hearing? Looking into this green community, my mind felt both patience and reverence. There was no excess, no waste. There was simply life. The realism of this particular bit of grass is remembered because of the unplanned, organic way that it was discovered. The wide river with the beautiful fascist styled bridge were the initial subjects. Looking at this grass was an afterthought. Seeing the bridge in the slightly orange, slightly gold glow of the late afternoon sun had captivated my imagination. But, the tall swaying grass impolitely sketched its image in my short term memory. Was it a still life? Was it a picture of rural life? Had my eyes seen anything like it in an art gallery or museum? Would Renoir have painted this? Or Van Gogh? How would Picaso have painted these blades of grass leaning toward heaven?

Remembering that sanctuary of playful, reverent greenness provided both questions and insight. My eyes experienced the beauty of patience. My eyes gazed at the heaven reaching green blades of grass and I was thankful. The grass is both individual and community. Personification is a good tool for examining life. Personification allows this blade of grass to be described as if it was a human being. The peaceful togetherness of the blades of grass allows me to think of universal, unconditional love as my heart and soul reaches for salvation.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Jumbled Sentences

All of my thoughts this day are jumbled.

I am very happy to be alive but I am trying to decide upon a purpose, course of action for my life.

Technology is helpful but it is also a great distraction as I search for new software, new articles to read.

What is friendship? What is love?

Thursdays contain an exaggerated suspense, as the weekend approaches.

I close my eyes and think of nothing. That is a good thing.

I close my eyes and remember a favorite song from the radio.

It is amusing how many definitions secular has.

All my thoughts this night are jumbled.

I am concerned about those who are sick, hungry, alone, forgotten.

I hear a door close, turn, strain my neck to see who is leaving or arriving.

The darkness creates questions and prayers in my mind and my heart.

And I am happy to be Catholic, happy that it is August, happy that health care might be available for all citizens of this country.

Tonight’s breeze is cold against my face and exposed arms.

All the benches and other tables and chairs on the sun deck are empty tonight.

I am alone.

Being alone is good, calming. Solitude allows me to feel natural.

My life is missing something. I need a purpose. I want to be like St. Paul. I want to write like St. Paul.

Beloved

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Night, Silence, Prayer

Night returns. The sky glows with a gloomy subdued pink hue. Searchlights aimed toward the heavens sway back and forth, back and forth. Stray beams appear white against some clouds. There is a breeze, a strong breeze.

The silence allows me to think about this day and all the things I did not do.

The breeze reminds me of all of the plans that I had made.

When I look up the sky above me is colored some dark hue. The subdued pink clouds float away. A couple of stars are visible.

The silence reminds me of the need for prayer.

The swaying spotlights reach toward the heavens and then retreat.

Voices in the darkness sound silly, try to sound upbeat. Laughter pierces the quiet with a loud anxious noise. The words the woman speaks serve no purpose other than making noise at midnight. The words offer neither praise nor thanks.

“It’s really funny-” begins a speech which is not accompanied by laughter. Someone coughs.

Night returns. Gloomy voices speak in loud, attention grabbing tones about sweaters and air conditioning.

The silence of life often occurs when great conversations are discovered to be small monologues. The silence of life encourages discernment.

A helicopter circles above some buildings pointing its spotlight down toward a street.

Social justice needs to become part of pop culture.

Abortion, homelessness, poverty and many other issues need prayer and action.

Monday, August 10, 2009

So Long The Silence Remains

I watched too much television once. At least I learned about forensics and asking questions. Television is all about asking questions and sharing suspicions. Television is just heat lightning on the horizon. It flashes occasionally, but there’s no thunder, no rain. My friends say that television is not good for our minds and causes typographical errors. Someone suggested that we should read books.

I read a book once. At least I tried. I don’t know if it counts if the book is never discussed or used in conversation. But I tried to read a book and contemplate life and other things. Most of the time my friends and I just talk about each other and people in the news and familiar people we see around town. And my friends say that I have good manners but bad mannerisms. And my friends say that my mannerisms are so stylized and playful, that sometimes it is hard for them to know when I am bored with other people from around town. The only topic this summer is sex. Only two reminders forgiveness and mercy. And everyone has an opinion on the church’s opinion on abortion and someone wrote something about homelessness and poverty and the death penalty. But in this town there is always day chasing night, wrong teasing right.

There is always talk of vacation plans with lemonade, there is always talk of vocation plans in prayers at church. I wonder if is anyone listening. Is anyone carefully putting the words from the sermons into nice genuine suitcases in the lobby of a patient mind, ready to be unpacked later, unpacked and studied later? Will the words be neat or squished? And the words will be words with meaning, some of my friends try to explain to me when they speak of love, faith and God. And the words will be more than words for those who have a desire or longing for a true vocation.

Some folks are lucky to be freckled with hope and love and understanding all over their faces and all through their hearts! And vocation is really a nice word, really nice. So nice to me and some of my friends. Something in the word makes me smile. I sometimes hear “welcome” and “thank you” and “you are loved” when I hear the word vocation.

Sometimes just mumbling the word under my breath, makes me smile. There is some type of power in vocation. Thinking about the word makes me smile. I like thinking about words that make me smile. I always like to remember them or to talk about them with or without my friends around.

And one Sunday when my friends were out of town I went to church all by myself. And I arrived early before the organist even touched the keyboard. Then I glanced at the other faces in the other pews and thought about vocation all by myself. Thought about my responsibilities, my being humble, my job. I just stared and stared until I had to close my eyes and think of the sacraments and the virtues and prayers and folks freckled with God’s hope and love.

Then, as the choir began to sing, my heart felt something beyond the melody, beyond the words. My heart hummed “Yes.”

And then I grabbed vocation and looked at it with a silence infused by Saint Paul’s writings!

That was my first truly adult thought. It was the most romantic, selfless moment of my life.

Until I remembered “So long the silence remains, So long the prayers begin”

Sunday, August 9, 2009

To Catch A Thought

Sunday was a quiet day. It was a day of contemplation and distraction.

The temperature reached ninety-five. The high humidity returned.

People stayed indoors with their fans and air conditioners.

At different churches prayers were said in unison.

Friday, August 7, 2009

They Pray At Night

Ten o’clock. Friday night. Washington, DC.

In the distance three krieg lights swing back and forth against the darkened sky. The Capitol dome, like a scoop of vanilla ice cream, glows white. The insistent beeping of a truck backing up can be heard. Voices laughing and yelling penetrate this darkness. The moon is shrouded, the outline is visible.

More laughter, more voices hiccup and guffaw against the dark. No stars are visible tonight. Only the lights from other buildings and from the street lamps wage a guerilla war against the darkness.

In this darkness the horizon seems more flexible, more moveable. In this darkness neither silence nor stillness exist. The distance provides a false sense of security. In this darkness the mind resurrects unsaid prayers, postponed acts of goodness, delayed acts of compassion. The mind struggles with thoughts of doing right, being good, and surviving the daily temptations and distractions.

The darkness has a coolness which is good for prayer and contemplation. Sitting in solitude is easier when nothing can easily be seen. Some people fear the darkness. Others fear prayer. Some people fear that their prayers will be answered. Some fear that their prayers will not be answered. Some people are happy in the darkness. Some people are happy in prayer.

Prayer is simple.

On the horizon fireworks appear. Red, blue, green, silver and other colors in different shapes, with different amounts of smoke. Fireworks attract attention, both please young and old. Even when expected the first firework explosion bursts into the eyes, ears, and imagination with a raw suddenness that postpones thought for a minute. Expectation and enthusiasm create anticipation.

Prayer sometimes contains the suddenness of revelation, the suddenness of unconditional love.

Different prayers are said in the morning and in the night. In prayer both words and thoughts are equally important as is the realization that all things need prayer even those which the mind temporarily forgets.



Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Jumbled, Restless, and Catholic

There are moments when our thoughts are jumbled and restless. Our eyes skim across the horizon, our ears strain to isolate stray sounds, our nose sniffs the air for different aromas. Life is the sum of all of our senses, all of our sensations.

Life is what we remember, what we forget, and what we dream about. Life is what we pray for, what we believe, and what we share.

Writing this blog is an exploration of my beliefs, an exploration of being an American Catholic.

Writing can make any man neurotic. Writing a blog definitely can leave a person feeling a little unhinged. That is part of the appeal. Being vulnerable and sharing some as personal as views on religion and faith is difficult. All types of anxiety and angst threaten to derail any progress.

Being Catholic defines who I am I, influences how I live my life. I am alive and imperfect. I have questions about the Catechism, questions about Vatican II. Sometimes I hope that I will be alive for Vatican III.

Wednesday evenings are good for reflection, better for concentration. Wednesday is the middle of the week. A sense of balance accompanies this day because there are three days before and three days after. Reflection and concentration are good for the soul. We need to scrutinize our behaviors, scrutinize our mistakes and scrutinize sins. We need to examine our acts of charity, examine our acts of mercy, examine our acts of compassion.

I am aware that I need more prayer time. Sometimes I think that everybody needs more prayer time. I wonder if there could ever be a National Day of Personal Prayer and Reflection Day.

Urban existence is often simply unasked questions and unanswered prayers relocated from small towns. Helicopters circle above some buildings, limousines wait in front some hotels. Friday night they meet for drinks after work. Sunday afternoon they meet for brunch after Mass. Do they runaway to protect their souls? Do they turn away to learn how to love?

Being Catholic can be a lonely existence. Our Faith asks us to remember one act of love, one supreme sacrifice and then to model our lives on being selfless, loving, forgiving. These behaviors are not always easy. Being human means to be sometimes feel out of place; however, through the cacophony of life we, sometimes, can stumble upon an instance of beauty, peace when we can feel God’s presence.

But I am content to be write jumbled sentences about my restless wonderings, about all the sensations of my experiences as a Catholic.






Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Somewhere in Prayer

Everyone who believes in God possesses a private, unique and beautiful story. The Bible contains many examples of these stories.

Often it is from the simple repetitions in life and faith that resonance is gained.

The most inspiring thing about faith is the reality that at any moment in our lives we can receive God’s call. Anyone can receive it; the courageous will respond.

As with any choice, anxiety, angst, and even fear may tease or cloud judgement with questions or assumptions. The stronger a man’s sense of faith, the stronger is his resolve and ability to accept God’s request and live his life in God’s service.

The call can fill a man with hope, love, mercy, and compassion. Goodness may briefly opens a man’s eyes to the grandeur and beauty of God’s love. This introduction may lead to both virtuous thoughts and virtuous living. God offers a calming optimism as long as we can remain patient and allow ourselves to believe.

I like the stories which feature Peter. He is approachable because he is so naturally, human. Peter does not instantly become a paragon of virtue. Instead, he remains a human being who loved God but who made mistakes. It through his mistakes and his perseverance in his faith after his mistakes that many lessons can be learned.

Matthew 14 contains the archetypal encounter between Peter and Jesus which could easily be used to describe the divine call within each of us. That this is a dialogue must be accepted and understood. God begins the conversation.

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

“Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Man replies and complies to God’s request. Faith is stronger at the beginning.

“Lord, save me!” At some point if the request becomes to difficult or to heavy, man might stumble or become afraid of falling. Then, he either stops or retreats or gives up and then asks for God’s assistance.

“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” God is always there to help. Man must allow himself to believe.

The actual story in Matthew with Peter on the boat is very beautiful in its simplicity. In those verses we see a man eager to follow God and then something happens. A stray thought or something interrupts Peter’s devotion for an instance and God saves him.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Almost Daily Thought

An honest spirituality is always reverent. It allows wondering at all things which come before our senses. The grandeur of life is visible in a simple blade of grass or a crushed aluminum can. Honest spirituality encourages the eyes and the soul to search for the signs and symbols of the Divine.

First Words

The first words are often the most difficult to create. This morning my mind is scattered with all types of topics ranging from Healthcare reform to “Race in America” to the Twilight movies.

Life is filled with all types of discussion topics and diversions. It would be easy to succumb to the idea that this is an era of randomness, fueled and fooled by technology. Between the internet, smart phones, and wide screen televisions our eyes are connected to the world whether we want to be connected or not. I am not against technology. I am concerned with the application of technology.

Human intercourse used to be very simple. Either you were in the same room having a conversation or you communicated through written letters. A few years passed and the telephone was invented. That added one more way. You could call from across town or around the world and talk and have a conversation. Then, the internet came along a couple of years later and the choices for communication has increased.

Technology has not improved our conversations. In many ways it has destroyed it. Recently, I had a conversation with a good friend about does it feel like to be in love. I was stumped and unable to really satisfactorily describe the feeling.

Technology pretends to make processes more efficient. In business and professional this appears to have some validity; however, in interpersonal affairs technology creates all types of little problems which are glossed over.

Being a good Catholic means looking at everything that is available and deciding what makes sense for you as an individual. Will that new smart phone really improve how you pray? Being a good Catholic means being concerned about the entire world and not just a little personal spot. Does this computer game really help me to understand the Passion of Christ? Being a good Catholic means finding a way to spread the Word. Technology has always assisted with that.

Human beings need to have time alone, to reflect upon their lives, to reflect upon their faith. Discernment is a very important aspect of being Catholic; our faith always needs as more workers to do God’s work. The church pleads with its members to consider different vocations, different ways of doing God’s work. The church’s call for vocations is a very beautiful direct appeal. It reminds us that the church is a living breathing entity that wants to have a conversation, a direct face to face conversation with everyone and more importantly the church wants to help each and everyone of us to have an ongoing face to face conversation with God.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Almost Daily Thought

August 2

Respect only those who possess characters that are humble, obedient, merciful. Respect those who in the course of their daily lives reflect God’s goodness and love. Avoid those who make their life’s accomplishments more important than their life with God.

A Bit of Stillness 8/2/09

At seven-thirty in the morning, few sounds can be heard. Surprisingly, most random urban sounds are non-existent. Mechanical sounds from nearby buildings can be heard as well as some type of incessant flapping noise which sounds like a cord blowing in the wind and hitting the closed window. The only random sounds are the black birds squawking as they sit on the flight.

At seven-forty the stillness provides all types of stimulation for the imagination. Plans about the day shimmer in the wonder improvisation stages within waking minds, shimmer briefly before fading away. Modern life is a wonderful improvisation. Modern life is unscripted. Modern life when all the electronic gizmos are removed is really no different than life one hundred years ago.

Affluence often fuels the desire to influence or to attempt to influence others. A sense of universal entitlement is the byproduct of this affluence which also produces a haphazard angst.

At seven fifty-five, the computer catches a typographical error. The sky remains a cool, dull gray. The heavy duty sounds of diesel engines can be heard from the streets down below. A stray sound like a gunshot could also be heard. Maybe it was a backfiring automobile engine trying to start.

In the stillness of this morning, my thoughts are of the things that I want to do today. The top of the list is go to Mass. Sitting here allowed me to begin to clear my mind of extraneous thoughts as I try to become more humble, open, and mindful. Spires from different churches in the city are visible. The birds souns again. The sky appears to become darker. Is this dawn? Is this dusk.

Faint, delicate raindrops can be felt. At the edge of the horizon, the sky is a lighter gray, almost white. This Sunday morning is alive with God’s mystery, God’s hope, God’s love. The air is damp, cool. In the distance at an intersection the red light is clearly visible before changing to green. Two or three cars with headlights on move through the intersection. The aroma of freshly fried bacon floats on top of a faint breeze.

The bird have flown away. The fragile raindrops have ceased. A distant flashing DON’T WALK sign is easily seen. The grumblings of jet engines taking off and landing can be heard. A red convertible with a soft black top drives into and ally, then stops and slowly backs into a parking space. The wind blows harshly. Exposed skin wants to shiver. Fog covers the top of the Washington Monument and the Capitol dome. More dark gray cloudsThis is a time of quiet, of patience, of stillness.

Eight thirty-nine and time for prayer.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

A Bit of Fun, 8/1/09

Well, I am building this entry in the recreation of an early August Saturday morning sunshine as about 20 other men are building an apartment house behind my building. I must admit that I know very little about construction other than the words wood, nails, hammer, and drywall. But, looking down into this unfinished building I must admit to being just a little bewildered. All I see is concrete and aluminum and something which looks like corrugated steel. What a racket those 20 men make with their drills and hammers and trash cans and cell phones. I am afraid to look to closely, I might end up murdered for being too curious and then covered in marble and placed in the lobby or something.


They call it building renovation and I wonder.


Can our souls be renovated? rejuvenated?


I like asking questions.


Well I sit here almost everyday at different times during the day. Sometimes I am here early in the morning, sometimes after dinner, or later. Being outdoors, above the city, provides a great view of the architecture, a great view of exteriors of the buildings. I never feel sick while staring at the trees or the brick and glass covered buildings. Sometimes my mind does have a momentary pain like the spot on the arm where the vaccination needle penetrates the skin. It’s a good pain; concern for others accompanies it. This pain is equal parts mixture of anxiety, hope, love. It’s like hoping that your left arm heals enough so you can play in the big game tonight because the coach and other team members are depending on you.


In life we depend upon people to help us every day of our lives. Modern life is built upon interdependence. It is becoming more difficult to be isolationists. In life the lucky ones have learned to trust their faith and depend on God.


God provides us with so many wonderful things. It is easy to take God for granted. Modern life likes to present the idea that man is master of the universe. Modern life likes to reduce the importance of God, move God from the center to the periphery of our lives. Religion offers a kind of vaccination, protection from some of the ills of modern living. Religion also poses many questions which will take a lifetime to answer. Sometimes the same question will be asked again and again.


Speaking about religion I suppose it is obvious that I am very partial to the Catholic way of life. For me it provides a simple framework, a glorious introduction to God. I believe that as we move through our lives, we are constantly moving toward, and then moving away from God. When we drift away, the event or feeling that pulls us back is a new introduction to the wonders of God.


I wish that we could share the moments when we decided to make God and being a servant of God as priorities in our lives. It would be great to tell someone in twenty-five years that you were having coffee at small shop with some friends on a Tuesday afternoon when you received a Divine Call, and decided to respond as a humble, obedient servant.


Building a good relationship involves accepting that it will be hard work, involve sacrifices, and that it will always be ongoing and unfinished.